PS 3515 



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T.-5.DENISON 6c COMPANY 



CHICAGO' 






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A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



DRAMAS. COMEDIES, ENTER- 
TAINMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

After the Game, 2 acts, 154 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 
All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 

2 acts, 2 hrs 6 3 

Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2 J^ hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 254 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . . 4 5 
Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 
Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 

Bonnybell, 1 hr (25c).Optnl. 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 254 hrs. 

(25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h.(25c) 7 4 
Busy Liar, 3 acts, 254 hrs. (25c) 7 4 

Caste, 3 acts, 2V 2 hrs 5 3 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(25c)17 14 
Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

154 hrs 7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs... 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 

254 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 254 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 254 hrs.... 8 7 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Elma, \y A hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Enchanted Wood, lft h. (35c) Optnl. 

Eulalia, 1 y 2 hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Fare at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4, 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 

acts, 254 hrs (25c) 6 2 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

154 hrs (25c) 9 14 

Handy Andy (Irish) , 2 acts, 1 54 h. 8 2 
Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 h (25c) 12 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 254 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Iron Hand; 4 acts, 2 hrs. . (25c) 5 4 
It's All in the Pay Streak, 3 

acts, 1H hrs (25c) 4 3 

Jayville Junction, 154 hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 

254 hrs (25c) 7 5 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 254 hrs (25c) 6 12 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 254 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 

154 hrs (25c) 10 



M. F. 

Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. . 9 4 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 254 

hrs (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels. . . . (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

3 acts, 2 hrs 5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 

1 H hrs 7 4 

Old Maid's Club, 154 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

154 hrs (25c) 12 9 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, 154 hrs. 5 2 
On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

254 hrs (25c) 10 4 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 

Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1^4 hrs.. 6 5 

Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . 6 6 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 154 hrs. 7 3 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 254 h. 8 3 

Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 154 hrs.. 7 2 

Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min.... 2 2 
Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 

acts, 2 hrs 7 4 

Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Ticket-of -Leave Man, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs. 8 3 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 254 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h..(25c) 6 4 

Trip to Storyland, 154 hrs. (25c) 17 23 

Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 254 hrs. (25c) 8 3 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
Under the Spell, 4 acts, 254 

hrs ....(25c) 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETTAS, Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min. 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min 11 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min ....2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min ... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



A COLLEGE TOWN 



A COLLEGE FARCE COMEDY 
IN THREE ACTS 



BY 

WALTER BEN HARE 



CHICAGO 

T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

163 Randolph Street 



A COLLEGE TOWN 



CHARACTERS. 

JiMftiE Cavendish A Rah-rah Boy 

Tad Cheseldine The College Cut-up 

Leviticus The Ace of Spades 

Major Kilpepper The Head of the Military 

Professor Senach arrib Popp The Chair of Philology 

Scotch MacAllister The Football Captain 

Shorty Long The Ubiquitous Freshman 

Billy Van Dorn. . On the Glee Club 

Dr. Twiggs On the Faculty 

Miss "Jim" Channing The Girl from Dixie 

Marjorie Haviland The College Widow 

Mrs. Baggsby, "Ma" A Popular Landlady 

Miss Jane Cavendish.. Cavendish and Dean, Wall St., N. Y. 

Mrs. Cleopatra Popp A Faculty Type 

Mrs. Mollie Stiles A Honeymooner 

Miss Twiggs A Relic of Other Days 

Mrs. Twiggs A Motherly Old Soul 

Students, Members of the Faculty, Town Girls, the 
Football Team, Etc. 
Note. — Scotch MacAllister and Dr. Twiggs may double. Mrs. 
Mollie Stiles and Mrs. Twiggs may double. 

SYNOPSIS. 
Act I — A College Boarding House. ..Jimmie's Aunt Jane 

Act II — A Faculty Dinner Party 

Aunt Jane not Feeling Well 
Act III — The Football Game. . .Aunt Jane on the Gridiron 

Place — Any College Town. 

Time — Present Day. 

Time of Playing — About.Tivo Hours and Fifteen Minutes. 

As presented under the direction of the author, by the class of 
1908, Columbia, Missouri, High School, January 14 and 15, 1908. 

Notice — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional rights are reserved by the Publishers. 

COPYRIGHT, 1910, BY T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 
2 



©C1.D 218V1 



PS3515 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 



>1 



\0 



SPECIALTIES. 
Act I. 

1. Bright college song to take up curtain. 

2. Coon song. Leviticus. 

3. Costume trio. "The Widow Song," from "The Prince 
of Pilsen." Ends in skirt dance. Tad, Shorty and Billy. 

4. "Heidelberg Stein Song," from "The Prince of Pilsen." 
Billy. 

. Act II. 

1 1. "Since I First Met You," from "The Sultan of Sulu." 
Jimmie and Jim. 

2. The College Serenade. Glee Club. 

Act III. 

1. "Fairest Bexley," to air of "Columbia, Gem of the 
Ocean," in "Home Songs," 50c. Oliver Ditson Co. 

2. "Old B. U.," to air of "Boola Song (Yale)," in "Col- 
lege Songs," 50c. Oliver Ditson Co. 



SYNOPSIS FOR PROGRAM. 
Act I — Eight a. in. in a college boarding house. Trying 
to wake Jimmie. "Seven cuts and it's only November." 
Marjorie, the ever blooming college widow. The Ace of 
Spades has troubles of his own. Rehearsing for the College 
Opera. Three giddy widows. Jimmie meets the girl from 
Dixie. A college spread, pillow fight and quadrille. "For 
the honor of old Bexley !" The discipline committee make 
a morning call on Jimmie. The fatal frat pin. "Thus doth 
Marc Antony salute her snaky highness Cleopatra of 
Egypt." 



4 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Act II — Arranging for the faculty dinner. The punch is 
too weak for the Major. "When one is on the faculty some 
things must be done sub rosa." The Bexley faculty arrive. 
Jimmie's Aunt Jane, a real live millionaire. "Howdy-do, 
Prexy; isn't this a beamish evening?" The college sere- 
nades. Major proposes to Aunt Jane. Professor Popp sam- 
ples the spiked punch and resolves to be master of his own 
house. The real Aunt Jane arrives as a pleasant little sur- 
prise for J-immie. "Aunty's not feeling well !" 

Act III — On the side lines at a football game. The Thanks 
giving game. Aunt Jane hits the pipe. "Fairest Bexley.' 
"If the last half goes anything like this one, I'll have t( 
write home to grandma." Jim's four-leaved clover. "I shall 
keep this always." "A regular college flirt." Leviticus, the 
chief official rubber-down. The two Aunt Janes. "Touch- 
down, touchdown !" The real Aunt Jane gets mixed up i: 
the game. "He's within a yard of the line." Jimmie make: 
the kick. "For the honor of Bexley." Jim remembers he: 
promise. 



THE STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Jimmie Cavendish, a typical college good fellow, is 
senior at Bexley College. The night before the opening of 
the play he has been out on a lark and, in his rah-rah enthu- 
siasm has broken several windows, painted a statue on the 
campus and, to cap the climax, calls at the home of Profes- 
sor Popp, the chairman of the discipline committee, and 
kisses his tyrannical wife, who answers the bell. He escapes, 
but loses his fraternity pin. Mrs. Popp finds this and sees 
Jimmie's name on the back. The play opens the next morn- 
ing at Jimmie's boarding house. "Ma" Baggsby, the mother 
of all her college boarders, is expecting her niece from Caro- 
lina to spend Thanksgiving with her. The young lady ar- 
rives and at once captivates the fancy of Jimmie. Matters 
are complicated by the arrival of the discipline committee 
hot on his trail. He manages to get out of the scrape by 
stating that he was with his aunt the night before. His 
Aunt Jane is thinking about endowing a chair at the col- 




A COLLEGE TOWN. 5 

lege and Jimmie "works" the discipline committee. They 
insist on seeing the aunt, however, and Jimmie's two chums, 
Tad and Shorty, each unknown to the other, agree to imper- 
sonate Jimmie's aunt. 

Mrs. Popp gives a faculty dinner party in honor of Jim- 
mie's aunt and Tad goes disguised as a giddy old maid. 
Mrs. Popp's brother, the head of the military department, 
proposes to Tad in a ludicrous love scene. The real Aunt 
Jane arrives from New York and goes to the dinner party. 
She is met by Tad and hustled away before she meets the 
faculty. Things are beginning to get very exciting for Tad 
as the Major insists on making love and the dinner, party 
is full of comic interruptions. 

The college glee club, after serenading the guests of Mrs. 
Popp, are treated rather shabbily and, out of revenge, they 
"spike" the punch. The innocent, hen-pecked Popp thinks 
the punch is better than usual and takes too much. In his 
exhilarated state he proceeds to lay down the law to his 
domineering spouse,, but is rebuffed and led by the ear back 
to the dinner party. Jimmie's admiration for Mrs. Baggs- 
by's niece deepens and he obtains her permission to escort 
her to the Thanksgiving football game. 

The third act depicts the excited college crowd on the 
sidelines of the Thanksgiving football game. It is nearly 
the end of the first half and the rival team is winning. The 
Bexley rooters are all blue. Tad, still disguised as the aunt, 
amazes Leviticus by smoking a pipe and rooting for Bexley. 
Mrs. Baggsby and the real Aunt Jane arrive at the game. 
The Major, mistaking Aunt Jane for Tad, renews his love 
making, much to the lady's surprise. Tad arrives and ex- 
plains the whole joke to the Major. The Major is indignant 
and threatens to expel Jimmie, but is finally pacified by 
Tad's threat to tell all about the Major's love making. The 
football men need Tad in the game, as he is a substitute 
. player. They mistake Aunt Jane for Tad and rush her 
out on the field. She is rescued by Jimmie and, because of 
his heroism, forgives all the deception. After a thrilling 
football description the game is won for Bexley by Jimmie 
and all ends well. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 



CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Jimmie Cavendish — Act I : On first entrance a long bath 
robe ; on second entrance the typical suit of a college "swell." 
Act II: Dinner clothes. Act III: Complete football cos- 
tume. Quick of speech but always cool and collected. 

Tad Cheseldine — Act I : First suit, turned-up "peg" 
trousers, red socks, tie and hatband, white felt hat, bulldog 
tan shoes. Second suit as "Widow." Grey crimped wig, 
parted in the middle. Long, black dress. Pumps. Widow's 
bonnet with black veil hanging down behind. Corset, under- 
skirts, etc. For final entrance he wears smoked glasses and 
carries a small black cloth bag on arm. Act II : Black 
dress and wig as in Act I. White lace cap and "bertha," 
large fan, white duck trousers. Act III : Widow's costume 
as in final appearance in Act I. Pennant and megaphone. 
To be played quick, loud and snappy. 

Professor Pqpp — Acts I and III : Black suit, white gai- 
ters and tie, bright fancy vest, stiff black hat, cane, eye- 
glasses. Act II : Dinner costume. Make-up with half bald, 
sandy wig, mustache and side-whiskers. Should be played 
as a nervous little man. Don't overdo punch scene in Act II. 

Major Kilpepper — Acts I and III : Fatigue uniform, 
complete. Act II : Dress uniform with bullion, etc. Should 
be played by tall man with deep commanding voice. Very 
pompous. About fifty years old, white wig. 

Shorty Long — Act I : Similar to Tad. Act II : Dinner 
clothes. Act III: As a spectator at a football game. Mega- 
phone, pennant, etc. 

Billy Van Dorn — Acts I and II : College clothes. Wid- 
ow's costume similar to Tad's. Act III : Similar to Shorty's. 

Scotch — Act I : Sweater and college clothes. Act III : 
Football uniform. 

Leviticus — Act I : White coat, etc. Act II : Full dress. 
Act III : Sweater, etc. All exaggerated. To be played lazy 
and sleepy. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 7 

Dr. Twiggs — Act II : White wig and whiskers. Dinner 
clothes. 

Miss "J im " — Age nearly eighteen. Act I : Traveling 
dress and cloak and hat. Dresses all ankle length. Act II : 
White evening dress. Act III : Pretty autumn dress of dark 
material. A pretty little southern girl with low, rather 
drawly voice. Hair arranged with ribbon bows. 

Marjorie— Age, twenty-four. Act I : Trailing dress of 
fluffy, light material, feather boa, parasol, large hat, black 
gloves. For last entrance costume and make-up are an exact 
duplicate of Tad's. Act II : Trailing dinner dress. Act III : 
White sweater with "B" on it. Pennant, etc. 

Mrs. Popp — Age, forty-four. Dark skirt, ankle length 
for Acts I and III. Man's coat, shirt, collar and tie. Man's 
derby hat with small red wing in it. Act II : Princess 
dress of yellow with large black cloth-covered buttons. Ar- 
tificial flowers, lace, etc., in very bad taste. Peacock feather 
headdress. Loud and commanding. 

Mrs. Baggsby — Act I : Work dress -of calico, apron. 
Change to walking dress and shawl and bonnet. Act II : 
Red dinner dress in old-fashioned style. Act III : Same as 
second dress in Act I. Gray hair. About fifty years old. 
Very romantic. 

Miss Cavendish — Act II : Handsome black walking dress, 
dark glasses. Act III : Same as Act II. On second entrance 
she wears the remnants of the same, much torn and very 
dirty. Her eye is blacked and face bloody. Bonnet awry and 
hair hanging down. Makeup about forty-five years old. 

Mrs. Twiggs — Act II: White hair, dark dinner dress. 
About seventy years old. 

Mollie Stiles — Similar to Marjorie. 

Miss Twiggs — Similar to Marjorie, but rather eccentric. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 



PROPERTIES. 

Act I — Old-fashioned furniture around room. College 
pictures, pennants and looking glass on wall. Round-top 
table with books, hammer, tacks and framed photo of a 
student on it. Also another student's photo unframed. Old- 
fashioned sofa with satin sofa pillow on it. Eight other pil- 
lows around room. Rocking chair. Glass of water for Scotch. 
Dinner bell for Mrs. B. College bell to be rung in distance, 
L. Pipes, books, etc., for boys. Napkin, banana and red tie 
for Tad. Crash box off L. Mail as indicated in text for 
Leviticus. Broom, dustpan, feather duster for Leviticus. 
Three letters and fashion plate in wrapper. Calling cards 
for Marjorie and Mollie. Posters for Marjorie. Door bell 
to ring off C. Large express box containing letter, suspen- 
ders and other packages as indicated in text. Pipe for Jim- 
mie. Pipe for Tad. Black dress, bonnet, etc., for Mrs. B. 
and Marjorie. 

Act II — Fancy furniture and palms. Table. Punch bowl 
with punch glasses. Portieres on door (to be torn down). 
Whisky flasks for Major and Billy. Revolver and large 
fake firecracker for Billy. 

Act III — Pennants, tin horns and megaphones for all. 
Bucket of water for Leviticus. Pipe for Tad. Tobacco and 
matches for Leviticus. Blankets and sweaters for team. 
Whistle. Clover leaf for Jim. Ring for Jimmie. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 



SCENE PLOT. 



/ 



/ 



Door 

_z 



Practical Sofa 



Act I. 

— 'Doorl 



sdPha 



Window \ 

Chair D Door 



hair°O n C 



Act II. 



/Pal£s P) Center Door 

I raims \j wjth Portiers 

' Punch Table 



D ahns\ 



Door Q Settei 

T fi Easy Chairs " Easy Chair R O 

I Small Tab 



^ 



^□Chair"^ 
\ 



Act III. 




Set Cottage J^ stump 




Note. — A set cottage will acid to the effect of Act III, yet it is 
not essential and can be omitted. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
R. means right of stage ; C, center ; R.C., right center ; 
L., left ; R. D., right door ; L. D. } left door, etc. ; 1 E., first 
entrance ; U. E. } upper entrance, etc. ; D. F., door in flat, or 
scene running across the back of the stage ; 1 G., first groove, 
etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



A COLLEGE TOWN 



Act I. 

Scene : General sitting-room of a college boarding house. 
Furniture is somewhat old-fashioned. College pictures and 
pennants or. wall. Round-top table L. C, zvith books, photo- 
graphs and a framed picture of a young man on it. Sofa R. 
with satin pillow on it. Rocking chair C. Seven or eight 
dark pillows and chairs around room. Old-fashioned piano 
may be on at back. Entrances, center door from street, L. 
3 E. into dining-room, R. 3 E. into Tad's room, R. 1 E. prac- 
tical door into Jimmie's room. Window with white muslin 
curtains in flat. Lights all on. Bright college song sung by 
boys off L. to take up the curtain. See Scene Plot for stage 
setting. 

After rise there is a slight pause, then Scotch enters L. f 
crosses down to R. of table L. C, sits and studies. Mrs. 
Baggsby hurries in from L, crosses to R. 1 E. and knocks on 
Jimmie's door. 

Mrs. Baggsby. Jimmie, Jimmie. Breakfast is nearly 
through. You'll be late for that 8 o'clock again. Jimmie, 
do you hear me? Get up! (Knocks.) 

Scotch. Better let him snooze a while, Ma. He was 
out with the Burrows gang last night. 

Mrs. B. My goodness, he ought to be ashamed of him- 
self. Got seven cuts already, and it's only November. Jim- 
mie, get up. 

Tad Cheseldine comes tearing in R. 3 E. 

Tad. Morning, Ala. Fourteen minutes to eat breakfast 
and make an 8 o'clock. 

10 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 11 

Scotch. Looking pretty frosty this morning, Tad, for 
a young one. 

Tad. Feel frosty. Me for the feed. {Exit L.) 

Mrs. B. {coming C). Well, I can't get him up. He'll be 
suspended sure if he keeps on like this. Came back on pro- 
bation, too. 

Scotch. I'll get him up for you, Ma. {Exits L., returns 
with glass of zvater and exits R. 1 E. Mrs. Baggsby crosses 
and peeks through a crack in the door. Jimmie gives a yell. 
There is a scuffle and Scotch is thrown backward from the 
door. He falls C. Door is slammed and locked.) 

Mrs. B. (at R.1E.). Did he get up? 

Scotch (on floor, sadly). No! He never moved. 

Enter Shorty, Billy and Mixer from L. 

Shorty. What's the row ? 

Mrs. B: Scotch was trying to wake Jimmie. (Scotch 
gets up and studies.) 

Shorty (coming down R.). Ain't that kid up yet? 
Mrs. B. (at RA E.). Not yet. He'll miss his 8 o'clock again 
and that will be eight cuts. (She gets dinner bell from L.) 
Shorty. We'll wake him up. Come on. (Mixer and 
Billy come down R IE.) 

Shorty, Mixer and Billy. Hoo-rah, hoo-rah, hoo-rah, 
Jimmie! (Sing.) 

"For he's a jolly good fellow, 
For he's a jolly good fellow, 
For he's a jolly good fellow, 
Which nobody will deny." 

All. Get up! Fire! Police! Jimmie! (Mrs. B rings din- 
ner bell.) (Silence.) 

Jimmie (inside R. 1 E.). Good morning. Have you used 
Sare's dope? 

All. Get up. It's 8 o'clock. Get up. 

Jimmie. Aw, shut up. I'm sleepy. (College bell rings. 
Boys get books and caps, fill pipes, etc. Mixer lights cigar- 
ette. Scotch still studies at table.) 

Shorty (to Tad, who is off L.). Come on Tad. Got your 
Greek ? 



12 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Tad enters L. with napkin tucked in neck, eating a banana. 

Tad. I'm with you. Greek ? Not for mine. Scotch's got it. 
Come on. (Mixer and Billy throw arms over each other's 
shoulders and exit C.) Where's my psychology? (Looking 
on table.) 

Shorty. Sid Tucker borrowed it last night. Come on, 
Scotch. (They start tozvard door. Mrs. Baggsby goes up and 
brings Tad down C. and takes napkin from his neck. Exit 
C. Shorty with Scotch studying.) 

Mrs. B. Tad Cheseldine, where's your necktie? 

Tad. Gee ! forgot it. (Runs in R. 3 E., comes out with 
red tie and exits tying it.) 

Mrs. B. (down L.). Leviticus. 

Leviticus (off L.). Yas'm. 

Mrs. B. (arranging room). Let them things go and come 
in here and help me. Jim's coming at 9 o'clock and this 
room looks a sight. 

Lev. (off L.). Yas'm, but I got to — 

Mrs. B. (sharply). Drop what you're doing and come 
here. (Crash outside L.) 

Leviticus entering L. 

Lev. I dropped it. 

Mrs. B. My land of love ! (Rushes out L.) 

Lev. (sivceps busily). 

Mrs. B. entering L. 

Mrs. B. You broke two plates and a cup. 

Lev. You done told me to drop 'em. 

Mrs. B. (at L. C). You ain't got the sense of a rhinoce- 
ros. That'll cost you twenty-five cents. 

Lev. (at C. Looks at her sadly, his lip quivers, he sniffs 
and then begins to cry softly). You done told me to drop 
'em and I haint no rhinoceros. 

Mrs. B. Well, it's done now. Hurry and fix this room 
up. It's after eight now, and I've got to get this house 
straightened up and dress and get over to the station. (Exit 
R. 3 E.) 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 13 

Lev. (sniffing). I haint no rhinoceros. Last week I haint 
got no sense. Dis week I'm a rhinoceros. I'm sure gwine 
to get me another place where cley don't call me no names. 
(Sweeping and sniffing). She's a old rhinoceros herself. 

Voice (off C). Mail. 

Lev. Yas, sir. (Goes to door and gets the mail.) Dere's 
a pink one dat smells like musk. (Down C.) Dat's Mr. Van 
Dorn. He'll give me a nickel. Long blue one wif writin' all 
over, Mr. Cheseldine. Another nickel. Little square one wif 
a gob o' wax on the back — nothin' doin'. Fashing plate, 
Mrs. Baggsby, old rhinoceros. 

Mrs. B. (off R. 3 E.). Is the settin' room done, Leviticus? 

Lev. (hastily putting mail on table and sweeping dirt into 
pan). Yas'm, just about. Mail man's done been here. 

Mrs. B. (off R. 3 E.). My fashion magazine come? 

Lev. Yas'm. 

Mrs. B. enters R. 3 Z±., takes magazine and opens it. 

Mrs. B. Finish this room, Leviticus. How large they're 
wearing their sleeves this month. This one's a dream. 

Lev. Done in here now. (Goes to R. 1 E.) 

Mrs. B. Jimmie's not up yet. 

Lev. Dat boy gwine to sleep all day? 

Mrs. B. (looking at magazine). Ruffled down the sides 
and four pearl buttons. I'm going to have my black and 
white stripe cut on the bias just that way. Finish this room, 
Leviticus. Then rid up Mr. Long's room and don't be all 
day. I wonder how I'd look in a court trail. (Sweeps off L. 
looking dozvn and back at an imaginary trail.) 

Lev. (dusts room and sings:) 

Ole Mistah Skeeter got bit by a bee, 
He turned around and bited a flea, 
Flea bit a gnat, an' gnat bit a jigger, 
Den de whole menagerie done bit a nigger. 

(Door bell rings.) 

Lev. (peeks out of a window, then comes dozvn and hides 
broom and pan. Bell rings again) . Yas'm, I'm comin'. (He 
tidies himself in glass and then opens door.) 



14 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 



Marjorie and Mollie enter C. 

Marjorie. Is Mrs. Baggsby in? {They give cards.) 

Lev. (at back). Yas'm, she's in. Set down. I'll have the 
consumption to inform her ob your arrival. (Exit Lev. L.) 

Mollie (down L.). Aunt Maud would be shocked. 

Marjorie. I don't care. I said I'd come, and come I 
have. 

Mollie. What'll Mrs. Baggsby think? 

Marjorie (down R.). Oh, she knows me, and it's all 
right. (Sees pillow on sofa.) Well, wouldn't that jar you? 
There's the pillow I made for Jimmie Cavendish last year 
in Ma Baggsby's front parlor. 

Mollie. Jimmie Cavendish? Oh, he's the boy with the 
green auto. 

Marjorie. The same. 

Mollie. It's a lovely car. Just matches my green dress. 
Is it fast? 

Marjorie. Occasionally, in the mud. I think I'll have to 
take Jimmie in hand again. He's not been near the house for 
quite a while. Nice boy, too. 

Mollie (taking up photo on table). There's Willis Con- 
nolly. You remember Willis, don't you? 

Marjorie. I never remember college men after they 
graduate. They come back, and they*generally are married 
and want to forget, or if they are not married, they rem- 
inisce, and that's worse. 

Mollie. I hope my Larry hasn't anything he wants to 
forget. 

Marjorie. Not Larry. You were, are and always will 
be, his onliest only, first, last and forever. 

Mollie (suspiciously) . Did you ever know him when he 
was in school? 

Marjorie (carelessly) . Oh, he came to see me once or 
twice in his freshman year, but I was busy with big Bill 
Penwick in those days, and then you came in his soph. year. 
And now you're married and on your honeymoon, and I 
(rather sadly) — I am the college widow, ever blooming, 
ever young, and men may come, and men may" go, but I 
stay on forever. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 15 

Larry (whistle outside). 

Mollie (goes to window). Larry's getting impatient. 
(Speaks out of zvindow.) We'll be down directly, dear. 
(Blozvs kiss.) What a pretty nose he's got. (Looks out of 
window.) 

Marjorie (has crossed- to table and taken up the framed 
picture). And this is Perce. (Sadly.) Poor — old — Perce. 
( With tears in her voice. ) He's buried somewhere down in 
Cuba in a grave marked "Unknown." Poor old Perce ! 
(Sigh.) . ■ _ 

Mrs. B. (hurrying in from L.). Good morning, Miss 
Marjorie. 

Marjorie. Morning, ma. This is Mrs. Stiles. Married 
Larry Stiles of last year's class. They're on their honey- 
moon. 

Mrs. B. (at C, Mollie R. 3 E.). How romantic! I re- 
member my honeymoon as if it were yesterday. I remember 
both of them, in fact. I've had two, you know. 

Marjorie. I'm on the ticket committee for the play. It's 
for the benefit of the church and we want you to take some 
tickets to sell and to put up one of these posters here. 

Mrs. B. All right. Leave me fifty tickets and tack up 
the poster. I know you'll excuse me. I'm expecting my 
niece this morning on the 8 :50. I'm on my way to the depot 
now. I've only got seven minutes. 

Mollie. We'll drive you over. Come on. (Mollie and 
Mrs. B. exit C.) 

Marjorie (looking at photo). Poor old Perce. 

Marjorie starts up C. and meets Tad, Shorty and Billy, 
who enter C. 

Tad. Why, Miss Haviland — 

Marjorie. Howdy, Mr. Cheseldine . If Mahomet won't 
come to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mahomet. 
You haven't been to see me for two weeks, so behold the 
mountain. And Shorty Long. (Shakes hands.) And Mr. 
Van Dorn. (Shakes hands.) 

Mollie (appears in door). Marjorie, hurry, the train's in. 



16 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Marjorie. All right. Good-bye, boys. (Mollie and Mar- 
jorie exit C.) 

Tad {down C). That girl's a peach. Wake up, Short. 
You're not in a trance. Now, fellows, the duds are in my 
room. We'll dike up and have a good half hour of rehears- 
ing. 

Shorty {down R.). If we lose the game there won't be a 
soul at the show Thanksgiving night. 

Tad. Lose? Short, we can't lose. We simply can't. 

Shorty. Lost last Thanksgiving. " 

Tad. You know the umpire was against us. Stop croak- 
ing and get busy. (Tad, Shorty and Billy exit R. 3 E. 
Door bell rings.) 

Enter Leviticus L. 

Lev. Yas'm, I'm a comin'. Can't come no faster dan I 
are on two feet. Must think I'm a spider. {At door C.) 

Voice {off C). Does Mr. James Cavendish live here? 

Lev. Yassir, he libs here. 

Voice. Here's a box for him. Came by express. Sign. 

Lev. What I got to sign ? 

Voice. Aw — sign right there. 

Lev. {carries in a large box and places it C.) Yas'r. Dat's 
a monstrous heavy box. Wonder what's in dere. Thanks- 
giving I reckon. Ain't had nuthin' to eat since de last time. 
Smells like pie. Dem boys always gettin' something like dat. 
You bet I get my share, too. I ain't a house boy in a college 
boardin' house fer nothin'. Mr. Cheseldine got a angel cake 
las' week from his girl and de cookin' school. I made ma 
fool self plum, clean sick. It like to made a angel out o' me. 
{Specialty. Sits down.) Company comin' today. Old rhi- 
noceros' niece. More work fer Leviticus. I'm kept busy now 
mornin', noon and night. Don't hardly get no time to eat. 
Got to go in dere and help de cook peel taters fer dinner. 
She's always makin' me work. Her an' old Miss Baggsby 
don't leave me no spare time to myself. 

Voice {at L.). Leviticus, yo' fool nigger; if you doan 
come in yere and help me peel dese taters, I'll skin you alive. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 17 

(Silence.) You yar me? (Pause.) I bet if you don't hurry 
up you won't get no cream pie fer dinner. 

Lev. (quickly). Yes, ma'am. I'm sure comin'. (Exit L. 
quickly). 

Enter Tad, Shorty and Billy dressed in widow's cos- 
tumes, with veils, female wigs, black dresses, etc. Song, 
"The Widozv," from "The Prince of Pilsen," or one of similar 
nature zvould be appropriate. Skirt dance at end and all 
dance off L. 3 E. After encore. 

Tad. Well, if we do as well as that Thanksgiving we'll 
make a hit. 

Shorty. Or get hit. 

Billy. How are you going to be in the play, Tad, if they 
run you in on the game? 

Tad. No place for me. Too light. What chance has a 
third substitute got? 

Mrs. B. (outside C). Come in a little while anyhow. 
(Tad, Shorty and Billy rush off L. 3 E.) 

Enter Mrs. Baggsby, Miss Jim, Marjorie and Mollie C. 

Mrs. B. (coming dozvn L.). That was a delightful ride. 

Marjorie (down R., giving Miss Jim a poster). We'll 
have to run along and put up the rest of our posters. You'll 
put this up here, won't you? I'll come back in an hour and 
take you for a spin around the town, if you care to go. 

Miss Jim (at C. taking off hat. Speaks zvith a szveet, low, 
rather drawly voice). If Aunt Louise don't need me. 

Mrs. B. (at L. 1 E.). You just run around all you please. 
I want you to have a good time. 

Mollie (at door C). We'll come back for you. Good- 
bye. 

Miss Jim. Thank you. Good-bye. 

Marjorie. Good-bye. (Exit Mollie and Marjorie C.) 

Mrs. B. (taking Miss Jim's hat and coat). She's the most 
popular girl in town. The students call her the college 
widow. 

Miss Jim (down C). Has she been married? She looks 
so young. 



18 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Mrs. B. Married? Bless you, no. That's just a kind of 
a nick-name. The boys all call me Ma, though, goodness 
knows, what I would do if they were all mine. 

Miss Jim. She sure is pretty. 

Mrs. B. Yes, indeed. And popular. The boys fall in love 
with her just as regular as they have eye teeth or get their 
hair cut. 

Lev. (putting head in L.). Mrs. Baggsby, de ice man has 
came. 

Mrs. B. All right. The nickel's on the icebox. Tack up 
that poster some place where the boys'll see it and make 
yourself right at home. (Exit Mrs. B. L.) 

Miss Jim (at back of stage). I reckon I'll put it up right 
here. (Comes down R. 1 E.) No! This is a better place. 
(Tacks it on door R 1 E.) 

Jimmie (inside R. 1 E.). Cut that out. I'll get up when 
I get ready. 

Miss Jim. My gracious ! (Tacking poster.) 

Jimmie. I bet I'll land on you in about four seconds. 

Miss Jim. I hope he won't land hard. (Still tacking.) 

Enter Jimmie, wearing bath robe, throzving open door 
R.IE. 

Jimmie. Say, what's the matter with you? 

Miss Jim (meeting him). Good morning. 

Jimmie. Suffering snakes ! I thought — excuse me. (Rushes 
in R. 1 E. and slams door.) 

Miss Jim (coming C). I wonder if I scared him. 

Enter Tad from R. 3 E., dressed as a zvidow and singing a 
line or tzvo of his song with dance. 

Tad. "Dreamy, schemy, peaches-and-creamy, do-come- 
and-see-me-widow — " (sees Miss Jim.) Great Scott! 
(Funny exit into R. 3 E.) 

Miss Jim. What a funny place. They pop in and out 
like a jack-in-the-box. 

Enter Jimmie R. 1 E., fully dressed. 
Jimmie (at R. C). Good morning. 
Miss Jim (-at C). Good morning. (Pause waiting for 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 19 

Jimmie to speak.) I'm Mrs. Baggsby's niece. (Pause.) I 
was just tacking that poster up. I didn't know you were in 
there. I certainly am sorry if I disturbed you. 

Jimmie. Well, you didn't exactly. It's time for me to be 
out, anyway. You see, J was up late last last night. 

Miss Jim. So was 1. I rode in a sleeping car. I'd never 
been in one before and 1 was kind of scared. (Innocently.) 
Did you ever ride in a sleeping car ? 

Jimmie. Oh, yes ! Several. 

Miss Jim (laughs). 

Jimmie. Not all at once. Several times. Did you come 
down for the football game? 

Miss Jim. Up. I'm from Carolina. I'm sure-enough 
cracker. My name's Channing — Jim Channing. 

Jimmie (at R. C). Jim? 

Miss Jim (with closed lips, signifying "Yes"). Um-um. 
That's what everybody calls me. My right name's Jemima. 
You don't blame me for wantin' folks to call me Jim, do you? 

Jimmie. I should say not. You see, my name's Jim, too. 

Miss Jim (at C). Sure enough? 

Jimmie. Sure enough. Jim Cavendish. So you came all 
the way from North Carolina to see a football game ? 

Miss Jim (proudly). South Carolina. I do hope hope 
you-all'll win. 

Jimmie. It's just up to us to win. We've lost for the last 
two Thanksgivings. Did you ever see a game? 

Miss Jim. No, I've never seen much of anything, except 
our old plantation. Once I went to Columbia for Christmas. 
Me and Billy. Father took us. 

Jimmie (close to her). Is Billy your brother? 

Miss Jim (laughs). No, indeedy. I see a good deal of 
him, though. I'm up every morning with the lark and I go 
for a long walk v/ith him. I don't reckon you-all ever get 
up with the lark here. 

Jimmie. Oh, yes. I was up with the lark this morning. 

Enter Marjorie C, comes down L. C. 

Marjorie. Oh, I beg your pardon. That's just like me, 
rushing right in without knocking. Are you ready ? 



20 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Miss Jim. I will be in a minute. Wait till I see Aunt 
Louise. (Exit L.) 

Marjorie (coming up to Jimmie). James Maclntyre Cav- 
endish, you have broken my heart. No later than last 
Tuesday night you declared by every star above your 
thoughts were of me alone. 

Jimmie. Yes, and Wednesday afternoon you let Profes- 
sor Schmaltz make love to you three hours at the Kappa tea. 

Marjorie (at L. C). You know why? I just love to 
watch him feed little tea cakes to himself, like dropping nick- 
els in a collection for foreign missions. 

Jimmie (at R. C). You girls are all crazy after him. Just 
because he's got a whole string of letters after his name, like 
an alphabet gone dotty. Just you wait till I'm a Ph.D., 
D.D., etc. 

Marjorie. I'm afraid I'll be too old even for a college 
widow by that time. 

Enter Miss Jim L. with hat on. 

Miss Jim. I'm all ready. Good-bye, Mr. Cavendish. I'm 
going to get my first sight of a college town. (Exit Mar- 
jorie and Miss Jim C.) 

Jimmie. All to the sweet, all right, and she never even 
saw a football game. 

Enter Mrs. Baggsby L., comes down L. C. 

Mrs. B. Well, you're up at last, are you, Jimmie? An- 
other 8 o'clock cut. That makes eight. I don't know what 
will become of you. 

Jimmie (at R. C). I was visiting my aunt last night. 

Mrs. B. Jimmie Cavendish ! 

Jimmie. Well, it had something to do with aunty. 

Mrs. B. (at C). Poker again. You promised me the last 
time — 

Jimmie. Yes, I know — (lights pipe.) 

Mrs. B. Smoking, too. You deserve to lose your place 
on the team. 

Jimmie. Well, I'm going to quit smoking. 

Mrs. B. Yes? 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 21 

Jimmie. Next New Year's Day. 

Mrs. B. Next doomsday. 

Jimmie. No; I rather think I'll begin again on that day. 

Mrs. B. (sees box and calls:) Leviticus! 

Lev. (putting head in). Yas'm. 

Mrs. B. What's that box standing there? 

Lev., entering L. 

Lev. (at L.) Dat's de expressage box come dis mornin' 
for Mr. Cavendish. 

Jimmie. A box for me? 

Lev. Yas, sir. Thanksgivin'. Um-um. I hain't had nothin' 
to eat since de las' time. 

Jimmie (reads on box). "Mr. James Cavendish." That's 
me, all right. Listen to this : "If not delivered return to Jane 
Cavendish, Cavendish and Dean, Wall St., New York." 
From Aunt Jane or I'm a lobster. Leviticus, let's open it. 

Lev. Yas, sir. (Rushes off L.) 

Jimmie (banging on door R. 3 E.). Tad, Tad, come here. 
Something doing in the feed line. 

Enter Tad, Shorty and Billy as widows, R. 3 E. 

Jimmie. Gee, that's a swell bunch of females. I didn't 
know I was inviting ladies to my spread. 

Tad. Holy smoke ! Look at the size of it. 

Shorty. Enough for the whole bunch. 

Jimmie. Where's Scotch? It won't do for him to see us 
break training. 

Tad. Oh, he won't see us. He's been in the library all 
morning. 

Enter Lev. L. Ele opens the box. 

Jimmie (calling out of the zvindozv). Hey, Tubby John- 
son, you and the bunch come on up. 
Voice (outside). What's doing? 
Jimmie. Come up and see. The gang's up here. 
Voice. All right. 
Jimmie. How's it coming, Leviticus? 



22 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Lev. Yas, sir. She's coming all right. - 

Tad. There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight. 

Enter other students C. 

All (join hands and circle around box and sing : "There'll 
Be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight," or some other 
similar lively song.) 

Lev. Dere she is. Dere she is. 

Jimmie. Fruitcake. Oh, joy! 

Mrs. B. Land o' love. Here's a turkey. (All around 
box.) 

Lev. And pie. 

Billy. Jelly and jam. 

Shorty. Slathers and gobs of candy. (Taking out pack- 
ages.) 

Lev. And a pair ob suspenders. (Each has a package.} 

All (sing:) 

"Here's to good Aunt Jane, drink her down, 
Here's to good Aunt Jane, drink her down, 
Here's to good Aunt Jane, she's an angel though she's plain, 
Drink her down 5 drink her down, drink her down, down, 
down." 

Jimmie. And here's a letter. (Takes it from box and 
opens it.) "My dear nephew — A little Thanksgiving surprise 
from your Aunt Jane — " 

Lev. Hurray fer Aunt Jane. 

Jimmie (reading). "I hope you'll enjoy it and have a 
good time giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day." 

Lev. Yes mam, we sure will. 

Jimmie (reading). "Remember, now; no football." 

Tad. What's that? 

Jimmie (reading). "I thoroughly disapprove of this bar- 
barous method of warfare. Your mother and I have your 
promise. Maybe I'll be down to spend the day with you, if 
I can get away from the office. Stocks were soaring yes- 
terday morning, and your Aunt Jane is away ahead of the 
game, as usual. Truly yours, Jane Cavendish." That's just 
like Aunt Jane, the smartest woman on Wall Street. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 23 

All. Nine rahs for Aunt Jane. (Cheers given.) 

Tad. How about that football business, Jimmie ? 

Jimmie. Don't worry. Maybe I won't get a chance to 
play. Let's have a song, Bill. 

Billy. I don't know anything. 

All (throwing pillows at him). A song, a song. 

Billy (throwing pillozvs back — general pillow scuffle). 
Shut up. (They lift Billy on the box. College song by Billy 
with chorus by all. "The Heidelberg Stein Song," from 
"The Prince of Pilsen," or one of similar nature would be 
appropriate.) 

Tad (after song). Get your partners for a quadrille. 

Jimmie. Ma, you must open the ball with me. (Quadrille 
is formed. Tad calls off the figures. All dance lively. Lev. 
jigs by himself. All laughing, etc.) 

When merriment is at its hight, enter Scotch C. 

Scotch (at C). What's going on here, anyway? Cut it 
out-»— cut it out. Pie and fruit cake. Nice training for a foot- 
ball team. Thanksgiving only two days off. You're a hot 
bunch of football players. No wonder they wiped the earth 
up with us for the last two years. It's a shame, a blamed 
shame. Babies, that's what you are. A bunch of thin-skinned 
babies. Break training as soon as my back is turned. We'll 
lose the game this year. We're sure to lose it, and if we do, 
it's all your fault. 

Jimmie. We won't lose the game. We're going to win. 
Do you hear? We're going to win for old Bexley. (Name 
of local school may be substituted.) 

Scotch. Much you care for Bexley. This shows your 
college spirit. 

Tad. He's right, boys. My share'll keep till after Thanks- 
giving. 

Jimmie. Scotch, it was all my fault. We were only just 
beginning. There has been no harm done. We give our 
personal promise we will keep training till after the Thanks- 
giving game. Then we'll have a big spread, and you shall 
join us as toastmaster. 

Lev. I'm 'fraid all dat good stuff am gwine to spoil. 



24 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Scotch. That's the v proper spirit, Jimmie Cavendish. 
Nine rahs for old Bexley. (College yell given.) 

Jimmie. You'll take care of the spread for us, won't 
you, Ma? 

Mrs. B. Of course I will. 

Boys (going out C). We'll see you after Thanksgiving, 
Jimmie. (Exit Students C. } Shorty and Billy R. 3 E.) 

Lev. I'll keep some ob them things from spoilin' myself. 
Jelly and fruit cake, turkey an' suspenders. Um-um. (Drags 
box off L.) 

Scotch. I'll help you put it away, Ma. (Exit Scotch 
and Mrs. B. L.) 

Jimmie (seated at table, head in hand). I kind o' got a 
headache today, Tad. 

Tad. Yes, I've heard of those things the day after. 

Jimmie. Why don't you take those darned togs off, Tad? 

Tad. I've got to learn how to manage skirts by Thurs- 
day night. 

Jimmie. They get on my nerves. 

Tad (lighting pipe). I should think anything would get 
on your nerves this morning. 

Jimmie. I feel as though I'd been run over by the street 
cleaner and bathed in salt brine for about six weeks. (Ear- 
nestly.) Tad, I ask you as a fraternity brother, what did I 
do last night? 

Tad. Well, the last I saw of you, you were on the 
campus painting the founder's statue a bright green and 
proclaiming in a loud voice, to the accompaniment of a din- 
ner bell, that you were the People's Party bewildering the 
Trusts. 

Jimmie. I hope there wasn't anything worse. 

Tad. That was only the beginning. I see by the morn- 
ing's paper that six plate glass windows were broken last 
night. 

Jimmie -(sadly). Six? It was only three last time. 

Tad. The cigar store Indian is standing on the roof of 
the chapel and Major Kilpepper is literally on the warpath. 

Jimmie (weakly). Kilpepper? 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 25 

Tad. I saw him on Main Street this morning with a 
case of dueling pistols and fire in his eye. He was asking 
for you. 

Jimmie. Twenty-three for little Jimmie. I wonder what 
I did to him. {Loud ring at door bell.) Who's out there? 

Tad (peeks out of zvindozv). Great day! It's the Major 
himself. 

Major Kilpepper (outside C). Is anyone ever going to 
answer this bell? (Jimmie and Tad rush off R. 1 E.) 

Enter Lev. L. 

Lev. (crossing and opening C. D.). Yassir, I's comin'. 
What's de matter? House on fiah? 

Enter Professor Popp C. and comes down L. 1 E. 

Popp. We wish to see James Cavendish. 
Mrs. Popp sweeps in C. and comes down R. 1 E. Lev. C. 

Mrs. Popp. Yes, and be quick about it. 

Enter Major Kilpepper, comes down.R. C. to Lev. 

Major Kilpepper. What do you mean by keeping us 
waiting at the door? I am Major Kilpepper. 

Lev. Is you? 

Major (at R. C. excitedly). Where is he? The scorpion 
who has destroyed our home — the viper who has wrecked 
the happiness of three loving hearts? (Pulling Lev. around 
to face him.) 

Popp (at L. C. pulling Lev. around to face him). Again 
I ask, where is he? Is he hiding? The villain. (Loud.) 

Mrs. P. Senacharrib! 

Popp (meekly). Yes, my love. 

Mrs. P. Calm yourself. I will deal with the young vil- 
lain. The young Lothario ! 

Lev. Dere ain't nobody libs here by dat name. 

Major. Silence. Send for James Cavendish. 

Lev. (frightened). Mr. C — C — Cavendish? 

Popp. This repetition is needless. Is James Cavendish 
in the house, or is he not? 

Lev. Yassir. 



26 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Mrs. P. Where is he? (Loudly.) Where is he? 

Lev. Dat's his room over dere. (Pointing R. 1 E. 
Jimmie peeks out of door, his face is visible only to audi- 
ence.) 

Major (at L. C). Let me get at him. 

Popp (stopping him). Calm yourself. He shall be sus- 
pended at once. 

Jimmie. I can see my finish. (Aside.) 

Major. Suspended, sir ? This is an affair of honor. My 
sister has been insulted. Nothing but blood will satisfy me. 
Do you hear, sir. Blood! 

Lev. (at back). I gotter go now ca'se I knows it's gwine 
to rain. (Exit L.) 

Mrs. P. (crosses and knocks at door R. 1 E., Popp right 
behind her, and Major behind him). James Cavendish, are 
you in that room? 

Jimmie (to audience). Yes, and you bet I'm going to 
stay in here. 

Popp (at R. C). You'd better come out, James. 

Major (at L. C). Come out. (Loudly.) Come out like 
a man. 

Jimmie steps out and stands R. 1 E. meekly with hands 
folded. 

Jimmie. I thought I heard someone calling me. 

Popp. James, I want you to explain — 

Major (speaking simultaneously with Popp). Sir, how 
dare you. I want you — 

Mrs. P. (at C). Silence! This is my affair. 

Popp. Yes, my lamb. (Goes to back of stage.) 

Mrs. P. (crossing to Jimmie). Young man, did you kiss 
me last night? 

Jimmie. I beg your pardon? 

Major (at R. C.). No subterfuge. Answer, sir. Did' 
you imprint a salutation on the lips of my sister last nights 

Mrs. P. And did you say, "Thus doth Marc Antony 
salute her snaky highness, Cleopatra of Egypt." 

Popp. Don't get excited, Cleopatra. 

Jimmie. I really don't know what you mean. (Aside.) 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 27 

A permanent place on the water wagon for me hereafter, 
world without end. 

Popp. Cavendish, at what hour did you retire last night. 

Jimmie (innocently). I went to bed at 9:30. After trans- 
lating twelve pages of Amicitia and working an hour on 
Analytics I retired at the above mentioned hour. 

Mrs. P. Impossible. 

Major. Be careful what you say. You were seen on 
the street after 10 o'clock. 

Jimmie. Oh, yes, sir. You see my aunt came last night. 
My Aunt Jane. I got a telegram from her after I'd gone to 
bed. I got up and went over to the station to meet her. 

Mrs. P. (suspiciously). Your aunt? 

Jimmie. Yes. Miss Jane Cavendish, Wall Street, New 
York. 

Mrs. P. (at R. C). Of course she is here now. I must 
see her and corroborate your story. 

Jimmie (at R.). I awfully sorry. She has gone — 

Popp (at L. C). Gone? Impossible. There has no train 
left since last night. 

Major (at L.). I suppose she flew away. I say, young 
man, she flew, didn't she? (Loudly.) 

Jimmie. No, sir ; she didn't fly. I was going to say the 
had gone down town. 

Popp (to Major). I fear you are too precipitous, brother- 
in-law. Possibly the young man is speaking the truth. 

Jimmie. That's right, sir. 

Mrs. P. We will investigate ourselves. Last night I was 
summoned to my front door by a tremendous peal of the 
bell. I was seized in the embrace of some ruffian and 
kissed. Do you understand me — kissed! 

Jimmie (aside). I must have been drunk. 

Mrs. P. My struggles were in vain. The brute escaped. 
This morning I found this fraternity pin in the vestibule. 
It has your name on it — 

Jimmie. I lost that pin two months ago. 

Major. You may be speaking the truth. This matter 
shall be thoroughly investigated. I shall see your aunt. 



28 



A COLLEGE. TOWN. 



Jimmie (at R.). Aunty came down here on purpose to 
see the faculty. She is thinking of endowing a chair. 

Popp (at L. C). Excellent. I have no doubt, my dear, 
but that we have made a grave mistake. 

Mrs. P. (at R.C.). That will do, Senacharrib. As I said, 
I will interview Miss Cavendish. 

Jimmie. So sorry she's out. In fact, I don't know 
whether she will return here or not. 

Major (at L.). We will find her. Which way did you 
say she went? 

Jimmie. Oh, she's taking a walk on the campus. 

Popp (to Mrs. P.). If you will excuse me, my violet, I 
will walk over that way. Possibly I shall meet her. 

Mrs. P. I shall stay here and talk to Mrs. Baggsby. I 
am sure she can give me some information. If Miss Caven- 
dish returns I shall be here to receive her. 

Major. And I will go to the station. Probably she will 
take the noon train. 

Popp (at C). If you have been deceiving us, young man, 
instant expulsion. 

Mrs. P. (at R. C). I shall have you arrested. 

Major (at L. C). And I shall have personal satisfac- 
tion. 

All Three. Remember ! 

Jimmie (at R. 1 E.). Deceive you? I shouldn't dream of 
such a thing. 

All Three. We shall thoroughly investigate the matter. 
(Exit Major and Popp C. Mrs. Popp L.) 

Jimmie (takes C). Lost! Expulsion, personal satisfaction 
and stripes and the lockstep for little Jimmie. 

Enter Shorty R. 3 E., dressed as widow. 

Shorty. Say, Jimmie, I want you to tell me — 

Jimmie (with a yell of exultation catches Shorty and 
brings hint down C). Aunt Jane, you're just in the nick of 
time. 

Shorty. What's the matter with you? 

Jimmie. You're my only chance. A prison cell is staring 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 29 

me in the face. You must be my aunt. Come on. (Dragging 
him R. 1 E.) 

Shorty (protesting) . Say, what do you think this is, a 
masquerade ? 

Jimmie. Short, you're my only hope. Come on. (Exit 
Jimmie and Shorty R. 1 E.) 

Enter Miss Jim, Marjorie and Mollie C. 

Miss Jim. That sure was a fine ride. I don't believe I 
ever saw so many men before in all my life. (Dozvn R.) 

Marjorie (coming dozvn C). Wait till I take you to 
chapel. 

Enter Mrs. Baggsby L. 

Mrs. B. (dozvn L.). Girls, Jimmie Cavendish is in an 
awful fix. He's going- to be expelled, arrested and shot 
through the heart by Major Kilpepper. Mrs. Popp told me 
all about it. 

Mollie (at L. C). What on earth has he been doing? 

Mrs. B. (dramatically). He kissed Cleopatra. 

Marjorie (laughs). I think that's punishment enough. 

Mrs. B. He'll be expelled sure. I've got to hunt him an 
aunt. He swore up and down to Mrs. Popp and Major Kil- 
pepper he spent last evening with his Aunt Jane. She's Miss 
Cavendish from Wall Street, New York, always dresses in 
black and wears smoked glasses. Mrs. Popp's in my room 
now waiting to see her. (To Marjorie.) Can't you fix up 
and pretend you're his aunt for a few minutes ? It will help 
him so much. 

Marjorie. Lovely. Anything for a lark. Get me a black 
dress and we'll have a regular comic opera. 

Mrs. B. ■ I'll get you one of my dresses. (Mrs. B. exits 
L. and returns immediately with black skirt, shawl and 
widow's bonnet. The girls help Marjorie put them on. 
Mrs. B. produces a pair of smoked glasses. Marjorie puts 
them on.) 

Marjorie (impersonating). How do you do, my chil- 
dren. I'm Jimmie's Aunt Jane from Wall Street, (All laugh. 
Exit Mrs. B. with Marjorie h., followed by Miss Jim and 
Mollie.) 



30 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 



Enter Jimmie and Shorty R. 1 E. 

Jimmie. You're a nice sort of a frat. brother, you are. 
Be a good fellow and get me out of this scrape. 

Shorty. Yes, and land in prison. I have some slight 
acquaintance with Major Kilpepper and the fair Cleopatra. 
Besides they'd tumble to the racket in a minute. Think of 
something else. (Exit R. 3 E.) 

Jimmie (at C). The last straw busted. An aunt, an 
aunt, my kingdom for an aunt. 

Enter Tad R. 3 E. partially dressed as a widozv. 

Jimmie. You'll do. 

Tad (at L.C.). Do what? 

Jimmie. I got into some trouble last night with the 
Popps. They suspect me but are not sure. I swore my aunt 
came down to visit me and I was with her. They say, pro- 
duce the aunt. Now you must be the aunt. 

Tad. And have the peppery major drill a hole through 
my lung. Never-r-r ! 

Jimmie. It's only, for an hour. She's supposed to leave 
this afternoon. Tad, you're my last hope. Aunty always 
dresses in black and wears smoked goggles. Be good, Tad, 
and help me out. / 

Tad. It might help me rehearse my part in the play. 

Lev. runs on L. 

Lev. Mr. Jimmie, de maj all's a comin' up de walk wif 
murder in his eye. (Exit Lev. L.) 

Jimmie. It's up to you, Tad Cheseldine. (Drags Tad off 
R. 1 E.) 

Enter Shorty R. 3 E., full widow costume, smoked 
glasses, etc. 

Shorty. It don't seem right to let Jimmie get into this 
awful scrape. I'll help him out if I can. (Loud ring at 
door C.) Great Moses! It's the major. Now for Jimmie's 
Aunt Jane. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 31 

Enter Major Kilpepper C. 

Major. Trying to keep me out there all day ? Where is 
that boy ? I don't believe a word of his cock-and-bull story. 
(Sees Shorty.) Oh, I beg your pardon. How do you do? 

Shorty (dozvn R. simpering). Are you addressing your 
remarks to me, sir? 

Major (at C). Yes, madam. I am Major Kilpepper. 
You, I infer, are Miss Cavendish. 

Shorty. You infer entirely too much. How dare you 
try to flirt with me? (Major surprised.) We haven't even 
been introduced. 

Major. Your nephew James is a friend of mine and I 
had hoped — 

Shorty. A friend of Jimmie's? Then I know you must 
be strictly proper. My nephew is a model young man. Al- 
most too good, I sometimes fancy. (Shorty looks at Major 
sentimentally.) 

Major. Is this your first visit to the college? 

Shorty. Yes, I just arrived last night. 

-Major. I was just contemplating a stroll on the campus. 
Would you like to accompany me and get a glimpse of our 
classic little village? Then I'll show you the monkeys in 
our museum. 

Shorty. Charmed. I just love monkeys. I'm a little wee 
bit afraid of them generally, but I'm sure I can trust myself 
with you. (Shorty takes Major's arm and they stroll off 

c.) 

Enter Jimmie and Tad R. 1 E. 

Jimmie. Now all you got to do is to string the old boy 
a while and then disappear. Remember you're my Aunt 
Jane, a millionairess from Wall Street. 

Tad (down R.). Oh, I'll get on like a house on fire. 

Enter Mrs. B. L. } meets Jimmie C. 

Mrs. B. (not seeing Tad). Jimmie, everything is all right, 
Jimmie (dragging Tad over to her). Mrs. Baggsby, let 
me introduce my Aunt Jane from New York. 
Mrs. B. (astonished). But, Jimmie, I — 



32 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Tad (kissing her). I'm tickled to death to see you. (Bell 
rings. ) 

Enter Popp C. Lively music till curtain. 

Popp (at C). Ah, Mrs. Baggsby, how do you do? 

Mrs. B. (dozvn L.). How-de do. This is Miss C—C— Cav- 
endish. She came down from New York last night to visit 
her nephew. 

Jimmie (at R. aside). Lovely! (Pushes Tad tozvard 
Popp.) 

Popp. Delighted, I'm sure. 

Tad (at R. C. after an embarrassed short pause). Where 
did you get that vest? 

Enter Mrs. Popp, Miss Jim and Mollie L. 

Mrs. P. (meeting Popp L. C). Oh, my dear, you here? 

Popp. Yes, my lamb. I've just met Miss Cavendish. 
Miss Cavendish, this is my wife. (Mrs. B. down L. } Miss 
Jim and Mollie up L. C, Mrs. Popp down L. C, Popp C, 
Tad R. C, Jimmie R.) 

Mrs. P. Impossible. I just left Miss Cavendish in 
there. 

Jimmie. There must be a mistake. 

Tad (to Mrs. Popp). Possibly you see double. 

Jimmie. This is my Aunt Jane. (Pointing to Tad.) 

Enter Marjorie L., comes dozvn L. of Mrs. P. 

Mrs. P. (L. C. dramatically) . Then who is this? 

Jimmie (at R.). This — why — this — is my Aunt Clemen- 
tine. 

All. Clementine. 

Tad (goes to Marjorie). Of course. This is my sister 
Clementine. (Kisses her.) 

Enter Major C. with Shorty on his arm. Major comes 
dozvn R. Shorty comes down C. and stands on the left of 
Marjorie, Tad on her right. 

Mrs. B. (seeing Shorty). Ah! (Screams and faints in 
Popp's arms.) 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 33 

Mrs. P. For goodness sakes, who is this? 

Jimmie (wildly). This ! This is my Aunt Susannah. "The 
whole damn. family." (Lev. appears R. 3 E., Jimmie R. 1 E., 
Major R. C. Marjorie in C. with Tad on her right and 
Shorty on her left. Mrs. P. L. C. Mollie and Miss Jim 
at back L. C. Popp supporting Mrs. B. extreme L.) 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



Act II. 

Scene: A faculty dinner party. Sitting-room at Prof. 
Popp's residence. Well furnished. Chairs and palms around 
room. Settee R. 1 E. Small table with punch bowl on it at 
rear R., C. D. entrance with portieres. Entrances R. and 
L. Lights all on. Waltz music to take up curtain. See Scene 
Plot for stage setting. 

At rise enter Mrs. Popp R. 

Mrs. P. Well, everything is all right in there. I hope 
Mr. (insert local name) won't ask for a second helping of 
iced asparagus. There is barely enough to go round now. 
Faculty people do have such dreadful appetites. I must 
speak to Leviticus about it when he comes. 

Enter Major Kilpepper L. 

Major. The Dwights (insert local name) just called up 
and said they were sorry, but they couldn't possibly come. 
The baby has the hiccoughs or malaria or something. 

Mrs. P. (at C). How provoking. Did you hear from 
Dr. Gilchrist? 

Major (at L. C). Oh, yes ; they'll be here all right. 

Mrs. P. And the Schlaubers? 

Major. Yes, indeed. Never catch them missing a free 
feed. 

Mrs. P. Don't be vulgar, Telemachus. 

Major. When I heard the Dwights couldn't come I in- 
vited Lieutenant Small. He gets few enough invitations to 
dinner anywhere. 



34 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Mrs. P. I've been thinking of Miss Cavendish. Wouldn't 
it be glorious if she endowed a chair of military science? 

Major. I wish she'd endow me. 

Mrs. P. An excellent idea. Be sure and show her 
marked attention tonight. These old maids always like a 
man to come to the point at once. She's worth nearly two 
million, brother. Think what that would mean to you. 

Major. I have thought. 

Mrs. P. Well, there's nothing like trying your luck. 
(Cross to R. C.) 

Major. By Jove, I'll do it. Are you sure she is coming? 

Mrs. P. (at R. C). Certainly. Mr. Cavendish called up 
. and said his Aunt Jane would be delighted to accept, but 
the Misses Clementine and Susannah were forced to send 
their regrets. They returned to the city this afternoon. 

Major. Strange no one ever heard of them before. 

Mrs. P. Well, you see, Jane's the one who has the 
money. 

Popp (without L.). Cleopatra, my love. 

Enter Popp L. He comes down L. C. to Mrs. Popp. 

Mrs. P. (at R. C). Well, what is it, Senacharrib? 

Popp (at L. C). I've been looking for you every place. I 
want some one to tie my tie. 

Mrs. P. (ties his tie). There, now you look presentable. 
Goodness, Senacharrib, you've an ink spot on your nose. 
Come with me. I must take it off before the guests arrive. 
(To Major.) Brother, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to 
propose to Miss Cavendish tonight. (Exit C.) 

Major (crossing to R.). I've been refused by every girl 
in town now. 

Popp (excitedly). Knock on wood, knock on wood. Your 
luck's liable to change. You might be accepted. 

Major (at R.). Do you remember the day you were mar- 
ried, Popp? 

Popp (at C). Remember it, brother-in-law? It's printed 
indelibly on my memory. I walked under a ladder and saw 
two black cats on my way to the church. (Sadly.) And it 
took place on Friday, the thirteenth. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 35 

Mrs. P. (without C). Senacharrib ! 

Popp. Yes, my lamb. (Exit Popp C.) 

Major. Well, Telemachus, my boy, tonight's the night. 
Spur up. Faint heart never won fair bride. (Goes to stand 
and takes a glass of punch.) Lemonade, bah ! (Takes whisky 
flask from hip pocket and pours liberal drink in punch 
glass.) When one is on the faculty some things must be 
done sub rosa. (Drinks.) 

Enter Mrs. Baggsby in red evening gown and opera cloak. 

Mrs. B. (coming dozvn L.). Good evening, Major. 

Major (choking) . I was just taking my cough medicine. 

Mrs. B. (dozvn L. C). You must have a dreadful cold. 

Major. Terrific. How charming you are looking this 
evening. 

Mrs. B. (simpering) . Oh, thank you. This is the latest 
creation and I always did look well in red, as poor dear Mr. 
Busby used to say. Mr. Busby was my first, you know. 

Major. My sister will be down in a minute. 

Mrs. B. I came a little early. Mrs. Popp wanted some 
of my punch glasses and Leviticus. 

Enter Miss Jim C. D. 

Major (at R. C). Good evening, Miss Channing. 
Miss Jim (at C). Howdy, Major. 
Mrs. B. (down L.). Where's Leviticus, Jim? 
Miss Jim. He's bringing the glasses, auntie. 

Enter Lev. C. with basket of punch glasses. 

Lev. Yas'm, here I is. 

Mrs. B. Can you show me where to put the things, 
major? 

Major. Come into the dining-room. (Holds door R. 1 
E. open. Exit Mrs. B., followed by Lev. and Major R. 
IE.) 

Miss Jim. I'll wait here till aunt comes back. 



36 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Enter Jimmie C. 

Jimmie. Howdy, Miss Jim. 

Miss Jim. Why, Mr. Cavendish. {They shake hands 
and come C.) I'm kind o' surprised to see you here so early. 

Jimmie. I knew that you and Ma were coming early 
and I wanted to have a talk with you before the crush ar- 
rived. 

Miss Jim. Why, Mr. Cavendish, that's the way daddy 
talks when I've done something or something's gone wrong. 

Jimmie. Something has gone wrong. 

Miss Jim (alarmed). Oh. 

Jimmie. With me, I mean. No, something has been go- 
ing wrong, but since I first met you it's going right. (Song 
introduced by Jimmie. "Since I First Met You," from "The 
Sultan of Sulu" or one of similar nature would be appro- 
priate.) 

Miss Jim. You've only known me two days. It was yes- 
terday morning I woke you up. 

Jimmie (trying to take her hand). Do you know, little 
girl, I've been thinking about you every minute since that 
time. 

Miss Jim (crossing to other side of stage). You no'thern 
men are so precipitous. 

Jimmie (following her). I hear nothing all day but a 
sweet Carolina accent, see nothing but a pair of hazel eyes, 
dream of nothing — 

Miss Jim. Mr. Cavendish, where's Aunt Jane? 

Jimmie. I left Aunt Jane shaving himself. 

Miss Jim (laughs). You-all'd better take heed. My Aunt 
Louise says you'll sure be expelled if you're discovered. 

Jimmie. We'll be careful all right. I don't want to be 
expelled. I graduate this year and then — 

Miss Jim (softly). And then? 

Jimmie. Then I think I'll take a little vacation down to 
Carolina for my health, if you'll let me. 

Miss Jim. Daddy'll sure be glad to see you. 

Jimmie. Daddy? Is that all? 

Miss Jim. I know Billy will. 

Jimmie. How about you? 






A COLLEGE TOWN. 37 

Miss Jim. Of course I will. I'll take you over the whole 
plantation and we'll have a regular, sure-enough fox hunt. 

Jimmie. Great. You take me to my first fox hunt and 
I'll take you to your first football game tomorrow. 

Miss Jim. Yes, and my first play afterwards. 

Jimmie. Aunt Jane is to be one of the star performers. 

Miss Jim. Won't that give the whole scheme away? 

Jimmie. No. Aunt Jane is supposed to leave for New 
York on the midnight train. 

Miss Jim. I thought she was going to chaperone us at 
the football game tomorrow. 

Jimmie. She will, if you want her. Tad'll make a fine 
old chaperone. Remember, I'm to have the first dance after 
the play to-morrow night. 

Miss Jim. I don't know. I've been hearing some mighty 
bad things about you. Aunt Louise has been warning me 
against all college men in general, and you in particular. 

Jimmie. That's lovely of Aunt Louise. 

Miss Jim. She says you've flirted with every girl in 
town. 

Jimmie. True. Now my flirting days are over. 

Miss Jim. Are you sure? 

Jimmie. Surer 'n shootin'. 

Miss Jim. I might have fallen in love with you. I've 
been shivering at my narrow escape. Poor little Red Riding 
Hood with such a nice eat-'em-alive wolf. I've promised and 
crossed my heart not to like you too much. 

Jimmie. Don't you like wolves? 

Miss Jim. Sometimes, when they're real nice and tame. 

Jimmie. I'd eat right out of your hand. 

Miss Jim. That's what Billy does. 

Jimmie. Say, who is Billy? 

Miss Jim. My best friend. 

Jimmie. Why, I thought — that is, I hoped — . Say, Red 
Riding Hood? 

Miss Jim. Say, Mr. Wolf? 

Jimmie. Who is Billy? 

Miss Jim. My pet St. Bernard. (They laugh.) 



38 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Enter Major and Mrs. Baggsby R. Jimmie and Miss 
Jim talking L. C. do not see them. 

Mrs. B. (coming C). Jim. 

Jimmie and Miss Jim. Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. B. I was addressing my niece. (Mrs. B. and Miss 
Jim go R. 1 E.) 

Major (crossing to Jimmie). I suppose your charming 
aunt is coming. 

Jimmie (L. 1 E. with Major). Oh, yes, my charming 
aunt will be here all right. 

Enter Popp and Mrs. Popp C. 

Mrs. P. Good evening, Mrs. Baggsby. (Shakes hands 
with her and then goes to Miss Jim R. 1 E.) 
Miss Channing. 

Popp (shaking hands with Mrs. B. R. C). Ah, Mrs. 
Busby, you look like a blooming, blushing rose this evening. 

Mrs. P. That will do, Popp. 

Popp. Yes, my angel. 

Enter Lev. C. 

Lev. (announcing) . Dr. Twiggs, Mrs. Twiggs and Miss 
Twiggs. 

(Popp and Mrs, P. stand R. of center door to welcome 
guests. Major joins them and stands in line. Mrs. B. back 
of punch bowl. Jimmie crosses stage and sits on settee with 
Miss Jim at R. 1 E.) 

Enter Dr. and Mrs. Twiggs. He is a mild-mannered old 
gentleman with white hair and eyeglasses. His wife is also 
white-haired and inclined to be stout. Enter Miss Twiggs, 
a gushing miss of thirty-five. They go dozvn the line and 
then go L. 1 E. 

Mrs. Twiggs (L. IE.). I do hope we'll be able to get 
home right after supper. I'm so sleepy now I can hardly 
hold my eyes open. 

Dr. Twiggs. Our departure must not be with unseemly 
celerity, mother. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 39 

Mrs. T. Not unseemly, but as soon as we can with pro- 
priety. 

Miss Twiggs (crossing R. and speaking to Jimmie). Why, 
howdy do, Mr. Cavendish. It's been an age since I saw you. 

Jimmie (introducing) . Miss Twiggs, Miss Channing. 

Miss T. Howdy do. (To Jimmie.) None of you boys 
ever come to see me any -more. Things used to be quite 
different when I was in college. 

Jimmie. Never can get a date. The young profs, beat 
our time. 

Miss T. (giggling delightedly). Oh, Mr. Cavendish. 

Lev. (announces) . President and Mrs. Gilchrist. 

Miss T. I'm just dying to see your aunt. I've never set 
eyes on a real live millionaire. 

Jimmie. Aunt Jane is worth seeing. 

President and Mrs. Gilchrist have entered and gone 
down the line. 

Dr. T. (as President and Mrs. Gilchrist join Dr. and 
Mrs. Twiggs). Good evening, Doctor. I've been reading 
your article in the Review. Powerful, sir. Powerful. (To 
Mrs. Twiggs.) It's that interesting paper on "The Longi- 
tudinal Vibrations of a Rubber String," mother. 

Mrs. T. I enjoyed it so much. The Doctor read it to the 
family after supper last night. 

Miss T. (to Miss Jim). How do you like our classic 
little village? 

Miss Jim. I think it's mighty nice. 

Lev. (announcing). Herr Professor Schlauber, Mrs. 
Schlauber, Miss Schlauber. 

Enter Professor Schlauber, Mrs. Schlauber and Miss 
Schlauber. They go dozvn the receiving line, speak to 
the Gilchrists and Twiggs and then go to the punch bowl 
and talk to Mrs. Baggsby. 

Professor Schlauber (loudly). Goot efening, efery- 
body. 

Mrs. T. (to Mrs. Gilchrist). I've been having the aw- 



40 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

fullest time trying- to get a girl. The twins are both sick and 
Ellen's got the grip. 

Miss T. (to Jimmie). Are you interested in the occult? 
I just dote on palmistry. You must let me read your palm, 
Mr. Cavendish. 

Jimmie. The last time you read it you told me I didn't 
have a life line. 

Miss T. You must let me try again. 

(There should be pantomime conversation in each group 
to make scene appear natural and to relieve the strain of so 
many people being on the stage at once.) 

Lev. (announces) . Lieutenant Small, Professor Schmaltz, 
Dr. Dorchester, Miss Haviland. 

Miss T. That's Marjorie Haviland. I just detest her. 
We haven't spoken for two years. 

Enter Marjorie and the three Professors. They go down 
the line and then form a group L. C. 

Miss T. I'm sure I can't see what the men see in her. 

Mrs. T. (to Mrs. Gilchrist). I do hope they'll announce 
dinner soon. I'm getting so sleepy. 

Dr. T. Miss Cavendish isn't here yet. 

Mrs. T. Folks say she's worth a million. 

Dr. T. Nearly two million, mother. 

Mrs. T. I wonder if she is going to endow a chair. 

Major (coming down L.). We have hopes, Mrs. Twiggs; 
we have hopes. 

Dr. T. How did she accumulate such a fortune, Major? 

Major. She made it all herself. She's on Wall Street 
and knows the stock market from A to Z. 

Mrs. T. I hope you will be able to interest her in the 
' needs of our college. 

Marjorie (coming across to Miss Jim and Jimmie. Miss 
Twiggs strolls across stage and joins the group down L.). 
You look like an angel tonight, Miss Channing. Howdy, 
Jimmie. (Marjorie introduces her escorts to Miss Jim in 
pantomime.) 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 41 

Mrs. B. (to Mrs. S'chlauber). I feel quite important. 
This is the first time I ever was invited to a faculty dinner 
party. Ain't that a beautiful dress Mrs. Gilchrist has on? I 
wonder if she got it here? 

Lev. (announces other guests to suit the number of per- 
formers). 

Popp (meeting President Gilchrist C). I never would 
have been able to take that trip abroad if it weren't for the 
royalties on my book. I just manage to pull through as it is. 

Marjorie. I wonder what's keeping Jimmie's Aunt Jane. 

Jimmie. I think Aunt Jane must be primping. (Marjo- 
rie and Miss Jim laugh.) 

(The College Serenaders are heard outside C. Conversa- 
tion ceases. All listen to music. Any college serenade may be 
sung with or without mandolin and guitar accompaniment.) 

Popp (aside to Mrs. Popp). It's the Glee Club. We'd bet- 
ter ask them in and offer them some refreshment. 

Mrs. P. Nothing of the sort. The faculty have enormous 
appetites. I'm afraid we'll have to skimp now. 

Lev. (after song, announces:) Mr. Long. Miss Jane Cav- 
dish. 

There is a buzz of excitement. All look toward center 
.door. After a'slight pause enter Shorty with Tad on his 
arm. 

Mrs. P. (meeting Tad). My dear Miss Cavendish. 

Major (beaming on her). At last. 

Popp. So glad you have come. 

Mrs. T. (to Dr. Twiggs). Now we'll get dinner. I 
couldn't have kept my eyes open five minutes longer. 

Tad (at C). You must excuse my being a little late, Mrs. 
Popp. I had such a time deciding whether I would wear my 
customary black or a new canary color satin which has just 
arrived. 

Jimmie (at R.). She'd look like a bird in canary-colored 
satin. 

Tad. I sent it back. It didn't harmonize with my marcel. 
Why, howdy do. Major. You look quite auspicious in your 
war paint. 



42 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Major. Charmed, my dear Miss Cavendish. 

Mrs. P. (leading Tad dozvn to President Gilchrist). 
Miss Cavendish, let me present the President. 

Tad. Howdy do, Prexy. Isn't this a beamish evening? 

Jimmie. I believe my Aunt Jane is skeed. 

Mrs. P. (introducing one of the bachelor profs.). The 
chair of mathematics. 
* Tad. I just dote on chairs. 

Mrs. P. (introducing another). And this, this is the pro- 
fessor of French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Corsican, 
Moorish and Hebrew. 

Tad. Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Oh, I beg pardon. My 
Spanish is growing a little rusty. 

Popp (to Mrs. Baggsby). What a conversationalist Miss 
Cavendish is. Such persiflage. 

Mrs. B. Yes, I noticed it. A regular — (name a local 
u gabber"). 

Popp. I do hope she'll endow a chair for us. 

Mrs. B. A chair? She's got money enough to endow a 
whole parlor set, if she wants to. 

Mrs. P. Senacharrib ! 

Popp. Yes, petty. (Crosses to her.) 

Miss T. (at R. to Shorty). Have you ever had your 
palm read, Mr. Long? 

Shorty. Oh, yes. Three babes and a pair of wives for 
mine. Full house. 

Miss T. I just dote on palmistry. In fact, I adore any- 
thing that is occult. 

Mrs. P. (to Tad). Oh, yes, Miss Cavendish. I belong to 
the Daughters of the Revolution. My grandfather's father 
fell at Bunker Hill. 

Tad (politely). Was it ice or a banana skin? 

Lev. (stepping inside L.). Dinner is served.' 

(Lev. holds door open.- The company pair off and go in to 
dinner, laughing and talking. Popp lead sthe way escorting 
Tad and President Gilchrist and Mrs. Popp enter last. 
All exit L. Short college song sung by serenaders off stage 
C.) 



A COLLEGE TOWN. ' 43 

Enter Billy C. with tzvo Students, cautiously. 

Billy. Well, what do you know about that? They've all 
gone into dinner and not even a hand-out to the village choir. 
(Tastes punch.) Lemonade! I'll make 'em some punch as 
is punch. (Takes whisky flask from pocket and pours con- 
tents into the punch bowl.) Now for a little premature 
Fourth of July celebration. (Takes large fake firecracker 
from pocket and places it in C. of stage, lights fuse. Crosses 
to door at C. Billy fires revolver. Exit boys C. Screams 
heard in the dining-room L. All the guests rush in frightened 
and form a group at L } not seeing firecracker.) 

All. What's the matter ? My gracious ! Somebody's 
killed I know. 

Popp. Perhaps the chemistry building has exploded. 

Mrs. P. (seeing firecracker). Mercy sakes. Look there. 

Mrs. T. I wish I were at home. 

Tad. You and me both. 

Popp. It's only a firecracker. 

Mrs. P. Don't you dare to touch it. 

Jimmie (pulling out the fuse). April fool. 

Mrs. B. Them students ought to be arrested. 

Mrs. P. Dr. Gilchrist, I hope you will investigate this 
matter. 

Major. No harm done. (All return to dining-room 
except Major. Tad is going last when Major intercepts 
him and brings him down C. Sentimentally). I beg your 
pardon, my dear Miss Cavendish, but may I speak to you 
for a moment? . * 

Tad. I'm powerful hungry and I'd just started on an 
oyster cocktail, but I do love to hear you speak. 

Major. Miss Cavendish — I might say my dear Miss 
Cavendish — 

Tad (giggles). Oh, Major. 

Major. I have a friend — a friend who is smitten — 
smitten — 

.Tad. Who smit him? 

Major. You are the object of his adoration. He fears to 
speak to you, for you possess millions, while he, alas, is poor. 



44 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Tad (sits on sofa, makes room for Major). Tell me, 
pretty Major, is your friend a military man? 

Major. He is, he is. 

Tad (gushing) . I just dote on the military. 

Major. Then I may hope? Miss Cavendish — Jane — I 
love you. 

Tad. This is so sudden. (Bashful business, peeking at 
Major over fan.) 

Major. 'Tis true. I am the hero of my romance, you the 
heroine. Why should we not dally down -life's path together ? 

Tad. To tell the truth, I am rather tired of dallying by 
myself. 

Major. Do you think you could learn to care for me a 
little — (hesitates) dearie? 

Tad. Well, I've had the measles. 

Major (taking Tad's hand). My whole life will be de- 
voted to you. Say yes, my darling. Say one little word and 
consent to be Mrs. Major Kilpepper. (Arm around Tad.) 

Tad. Stop your tickling me. Have you ever been in love 
before? 

Major. Never. Why? 

Tad. You talk like a veteran. 

Major. You are my first, my only love. 

Tad. Your first love, and you on the faculty? Fie, fie. 

Major. Now one kiss upon those ruby tulips. 

Tad. Never. Oh, Major, I feel faint — I — (faints). 

Major (rushing to L. 1 E.). Help! Help! 

(Guests all rush in from dining-room.) 

Mrs. B. For goodness sakes, what's the matter? 

All. What is it ? What has happened ? 

Major. She fainted. 

Jimmie (mock heroics). Say not so. (Kneels by Tad.) 
Aunty, speak to me. Don't you know me ? Great heavens ! 
She's dead ! 

Mrs. B. She's fainted. Get some water. 

Mrs. P. Here's my smelling salts. (Ladies all around 
Tad.) 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 45 

Jimmie. Get an ax. 

Tad (recovering). Where am I? Oh, I remember. I've 
quite recovered now. Get me a glass of whisky. I'm thirsty. 

All. Whisky? 

Popp. You'd better take milk. That's good for the blood. 

Tad. I'm not bloodthirsty. 

Major (producing flask). Here, take some of this. 

Tad. Why, Major, where did you get this? 

Major. That's cough syrup. 

Tad. I believe I've got a cough. (Drinks all the liquor.) 

Mrs. P. Do you feel better now? 

Tad. Yes, thank you. I've quite recovered. So stupid 
of me. 

Mrs. P. Don't mention it. (All exit into dining-room 
L.) 

Mrs. B. (as she exits). Such an exciting dinner party! 

Popp (alone on stage). I don't know when I've been so 
upset. (Takes a drink of punch.) What peculiar punch. 
Some new recipe of Cleopatra's. I believe I like it. (Drinks 
two glasses quickly.) It's quite exhilarating. (Keeps on 
drinking. ) 

Enter Jimmie L. and crosses down R. 

Jimmie. No more faculty dinners for me. Not even for 
the sake of Aunt Jane. The thing's working like a charm. 
They don't even suspect. Nobody knows but Marjorie and 
Jim. "Jim." What a cute name for a girl. Candy little girl, 
too. Such soulful eyes ! Bright and clever as she is pretty. 
"You no'thern men are so precipitous." I wonder if she's 
ever been engaged. 

Popp. Are you enjoying yourself, James? 

Jimmie. Hello, Professor. I didn't know you were there. 
I'm having the time of my life. 

Popp. So am I. Have some punch, James. It's delicious. 
(Drinks.) 

Jimmie. I'm not thirsty. Professor, I want to send a 
friend of mine a wedding present. What would you sug- 
gest ? It's for Dicky Jarvis. He's to be married Tuesday. 



46 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Popp. Ish Dicky to be married? Poor Dicky. Send him 
a copy of Dante's Inferno or Milton's Paradise Lost/ 

Jimmie. You don't seem to think very well of the mar- 
ried state. I've been thinking seriously about matrimony 
myself since I met Ji — I mean for a day or two. 

Popp (drinks). Jimmie, my boy, don't you do it. 

Jimmie. Oh, a man might be worse off than married. 

Popp. Well, he might be dead. 

Jimmie. You are married. 

Popp (drinks). Jamesh, my boy, I thought Cleopatra was 
my affinity. To put it tersely, I married for sympathy. 

Jimmie. Well, you've got mine. 

Popp. Ever since the day I got the license I've been lead- 
ing a dog's life. 

Jimmie. Maybe you got a dog's license instead of a mar- 
riage license. 

Popp. Jamesh, you'd better try some of this punch. It's 
delicious. 

Jimmie (tastes it). Why, Professor, this punch is nipped. 

Popp. I wonder if my wife suspects it. (Hands Jimmie 
a cigar.) You smoke, don't you? 

Jimmie (looks at it suspiciously). Sometimes. 

Popp. Try that. (Proudly.) That is something like a 
cigar. 

Jimmie (smoking). Yes, this is something like a cigar. 
What is it? 

Mrs. P. (offL.). Senacharrib ! 

Popp. There's the fair Cleopatra. Do you know I don't 
feel as I usually do when she calls me. I feel more like a 
man. 

Jimmie. You feel great. (Slaps him on back.) You are 
a man. Now is the time to assert yourself. Have some more 
punch and then lay down the law to your wife. 

Popp (drinks). I believe I'll do it. 

Jimmie (crosses to R. 1 E.). Remember, you are a man. 
Assert yourself. (Exit Jimmie R. IE.) 

Mrs. P. (off L.). Senacharrib, where on earth are you? 

Popp (gathering courage). Wait; just wait! 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 47 

Enter Mrs. Popp L. 



Mrs. P. Oh, here you are. Do you know you are dis- 
gracing us by this prolonged absence from the dinner? 
What ails you? 

Popp. Madam, don't talk to me in that tone. 

Mrs. P. Senacharrib Popp, how dare you ? 

Popp. How dare I? I'll show you how I dare. You seem 
to forget that / am master of this house. Do you under- 
stand me? Master! 

Mrs. P. (grasping his arm). Come into the dining-room 
at once. 

Popp (shaking off her arm). Cleopatra, away ! (Proudly.) 
Am I asserting myself? 

Mrs. P. What does this mean ? 

Popp. It means that I am asserting myself. Have some 
punch. 

Mrs. P. You've been drinking. 

Popp. I do not deny the allegation. 

Mrs. P. (tearfully). To think it has come to this. 

Popp. It is time it did come to this. I must assert my 
authority. 

Mrs. P. You only married me for my money. 

Popp. Well, I couldn't get it any other way, could I? 

Mrs. P. (tearfully) . Everything you have you owe to me. 
Where would you be now if it were not for that money? 

Popp (straightening up). Single and happy. 

Mrs. P. Brute. You don't know what it is to love a 
woman. 

Popp. Oh, yes, I do. I idolized a woman once. (Sadly.) 
But she married — 

Mrs. P. Whom did she marry ? 

Popp. Me. 

Mrs. P. I married you because I felt sorry for you. 

Popp. Well, you started an endless chain. Every one 
feels sorry for me now. 

Enter Lev. L. 

Lev. Mis' Popp, dat yeller nigger waiter done upsot a 
dish ob ice cream down Miss Twiggs' neck. (Exit Lev. L.) 



48 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Mrs. P. Come back to the dining-room. I'll settle with 
you later. 

Popp. Say "please." 

Mrs. P. (taking him by the ear and leading him off L.) 
I'll "please" you. (Exit Popp and Mrs. Popp L.) 

Door bell rings. No answer. Enter Miss Cavendish. 

Miss Cavendish. What a peculiar circumstance. No one 
to let me in. I arrived on the evening train to see my nephew 
James. Somehow I could not locate him. I registered at the 
hotel and the clerk informed me that Dr. Popp was giving 
a reception in my honor tonight. They must have got wind 
I was coming from New York. I am sure this is Dr. Popp's 
house. (Looks around.) And there is evidently a dinner 
party on. I wonder if I have made a mistake. Probably I 
can find one of the servants., (Exit R. 1 E.) 

Enter Tad L. 

Tad. I'll kill that Major. He does nothing but squeeze 
my hand and murmur "Jane." This disguise is getting too 
exciting for little Willie. I think I'll go home. A dinner 
party and a proposal in one evening is too much excitement 
for Jimmie's Aunt Jane. 

Tad starts R. and meets Miss Cavendish, who enters R. 
They meet in C. and stare at one another. 

Tad. This must be the lady in question. I can see my 
finish. 

Miss C. How do you do. I'm Miss Cavendish. 

Tad. Pleasure's all mine. 

Miss C. I'm looking for Mrs. Popp. I believe she's en- 
tertaining for me this evening. (Pause.) She's expecting me, 
isn't she? 

Tad. Oh, yes, she's been expecting you for some time. 

Miss C. Is it possible. Could you find her for me ? You 
are — 

Tad. That's me. (Pause.) I'm her. I'm Mrs. Popp. 

Miss C. This is quite an adventure. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 49 

Tad. Quite. But as a matter of fact, Miss Cavendish, 
the dinner has. been postponed. Jimmie's sick, you know. 

Miss C. My nephew ill? 

Tad. Yes, it's an awful case. He keeps calling for you 
all the time. 

Miss C. I shall go at once. 

Tad (hurrying her off C). He lives at the Baggsby 
house. Take the car with the blue light. So sorry you can't 
stay. Be sure and come and see me again. Give my love to 
Jimmie, I do hope he'll be better tomorrow. 

Miss C. (bewildered). But — but — (suddenly) Goodnight. 
(Exit C. Miss C.) 

Tad (sinks in chair C). That's the last straw. I can see 
my finish now. Well, I'm going to get out of this. (Takes 
off dark skirt, zvhite duck trousers underneath. Holds up 
skirt.) Fare thee well, Jimmie's Aunt Jane! (Lively music.) 

Enter Shorty and Jimmie L. 3 E. 

Jimmie. Say, what's the matter with you? 
Tad. She's come. I'm going home. 
Shorty. The folks are coming. Put on that skirt. 
Tad. I'm going home. (Rushes out C. D.) 
Jimmie. Bring him back. (Jimmie and Shorty exit C. 
after Tad.) 

Guests all enter L. 

All. What a delightful dinner. Never had a better time. 

Enter Tad R. with skirt in arms. He rushes madly across 
stage, pursued by Jimmie and Shorty. They run out L. 

Ladies (all scream). 

Jimmie and Shorty rush in from L. Tad is held by 
Shorty. Jimmie rushes to back, tears down a curtain from 
C. D. and throws it around Tad. 

Jimmie. Excuse us, but Aunty's not feeling well. 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



50 A COLLEGE TOWN. 



Act III. 

Scene: The football game. Grounds overlooking the 
football Held. Exterior Scene with wood drop and wings. 
Bench L. C. Stump R. Set cottage at R. for training quar- 
ters. (This is not essential.) Entrances R. 1 E. through 
door of cottage, R. 3 E. and L. Entire company grouped 
off L. with megaphones, tin horns, etc. See Scene Plot for 
stage setting. 

At rise yells are heard off L. as at an exciting football 
game. 

Enter Lev. from house R. 1 E. with bucket of water. 

Lev. I 'clare to goodness Fs done carried so much water 
out on dat football field I'm black in de face. Dat's de trouble 
with dem boys ob ours. Deys drinkin' too much water. No 
wonder de game's goin' agin us. 5 to 0, an' de first half 
nearly over. It's somethin' scandalous. I'll bet a chew to- 
baccer der's a Jonah-man lingerin' somewhar 'round here. 
Dat's what's de matter. Our team is jonahed. Dey sure is. 

Voice (off L.). Water boy ! 

Lev. Yas sir, I'm a-comin'. Hyah I is. (Exit L.) 

Enter Tad R. 3 E. dressed as widow. 

Tad. Rotten! Rotten! We're playing too low. Easy 
money for those lobsters. They're slugging like thunder, 
too. Gee, I wish I was out there. I feel like a fool in this 
dress. Look like one, too. But I promised to help Jimmie 
through and I'm going to do it. I lost the Major some- 
where in the shuffle. (Takes out pipe.) Well, it's me for 
the good old weed. 

Enter Lev. zvith empty pail L. 

Lev. More water. Jes' keep me workin' all de time. 
Never get a chance -to see de game. 
Tad (at L. C). Leviticus! 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 51 

Lev. (at C). Ma'am? 'Scuse me, lady. Does you-all 
know me ? 

Tad. Sure, Mike. Say, you ain't got a little smoking 
tobacco lying around loose anywhere, have you? 

Lev. Fo' de good land sakes. (Producing bag of to- 
bacco.) Yas'm, hyah it is. 

Tad (-fills pipe). Now a match. 

Lev. Fo' de good land sakes. (Strikes match. Tad 
lights pipe. Lev. watches him. Match burns Lev/s fingers.) 
Fo' de good land sakes. (Exit R. 1 E., looking back and 
bumping into door R. with bucket.) 

(Nine quick "rahs" for the local team heard off L.) 
Tad (jumps on bench at L.). Things are going a little 
better now. (Yells of "Hold that line, hold that line," re- 
peated monotonously off L. until Major's entrance.) 
They're holding their own. (Pause. Tad watches game 
breathlessly.) Good boy, Jiggsy. But it's too late now. 
Only four minutes more in this half. (Pause.) Oh, Lord! 
Nothing doing. They're going through like the wind. (Yells 
through megaphone, which was on chair.) Hold that line. 
Play low, Jiggsy. Play low. 

Enter Major R. 3 E. 

Major (at C). Ah, my dear Miss Cavendish, are you en- 
joying the game? 

Tad (on bench zvatching off L. and paying no attention 
to him.) Play low, fellows. Play low. 

Major (crossing to Tad). Miss Cavendish! 

Tad (jumps dozvn and hides pipe). Hello, Major. Say, 
you got to excuse me. I'm busy. (Exit L. quickly, yelling 
through megaphone, "Hold that line. Hold that line.") 

Major. But, my dear Miss Cavendish. (Runs out L. 
after Tad.) ■ 

Enter Mrs. B. and Miss C. R. 3 E. 

Mrs. B. (coming down L. C). Well, we're here at last. 

Miss C. Oh, I hope it isn't over. 

Mrs. B. They are just about through with the first half. 

Miss C. How many halves are there? 



52 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Mrs. B. I'm not sure, but I think there are three. 

Miss C. (at C). I couldn't make up my mind to come till 
the very last minute. The idea of me being- at a football 
game. And to think of Jimmie's playing without my per- 
mission. 

Mrs. B. He just had to. He's one of the stars on the 
team. And we'd sooner win this Thanksgiving game than 
to have a new building endowed. 

Miss C. I certainly have had a most bewildering time 
since my arrival. 

Mrs. B. Jimmie and Tad meant no harm. It was only 
a college joke. They had no idea you were coming. 

Miss C. But the idea of Mr. Cheseldine pretending he 
was me. I don't understand — 

Mrs. B. Jimmie has promised to explain everything this 
evening after the game. Trust Jimmie to give a plausible 
explanation. (Cheers off L.) 

Miss C. What's happened now? 

Mrs. B. We must have the ball. The score so far is 
5 to 0. Let's go in there. I never was so excited in my life. 

Miss C. If you think it's perfectly proper. 

Mrs. B. Why, of course it is. (Exit Mrs. B. and Miss 

^" ^"j (Referee's whistle blozvs.) 

Enter Lev. R. 1 E-. 
Lev. Dat's de end ob de first half. And 5 to 0. It's a 
shame. We's jonahed sure. (Exit L.) 

The football team, including Scotch and Jimmie, wrapped 
in blankets and sweaters, enter single Hie from L. They 
cross stage and enter house at R. 

Enter Marjorie, Shorty, Miss Jim, Billy, Prof, and 
Mrs. Popp, Mollie, Mrs. Baggsby, Tad, Major and others 
with pennants, megaphones, etc. They come down C. and 
looking toward R. all yell. 
All. Rah, rah, rah ! 
Rah, rah, rah! 
Rah, rah, rah! 
Team, team, team! 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 53 

All (sing. Any other song may be substituted) . 

FAIREST BEX LEY. 

Air "Columbia, Gem of the Ocean." 
Fairest Bexley, to thee now and ever, 
Our voices in praises shall ring, 
And the love in our hearts last forever — 
To thy name and thy fame let us sing. 
For our coach and our team we are cheering, 

And our captain so staunch and so true, 
For honor and Bexley forever, 

Nine rahs for the old gold and blue. 
Chorus : 

Nine rahs for the old gold and blue, 
Nine rahs for the old gold and blue, 
For honor and Bexley forever — 
Nine rahs for the old gold and blue. 

May our heroes in victory triumphant, 

The gold and blue banner wave high. 
But if they meet defeat we'll stand by them, 

For honor and Bexley our cry. 
From our hearts and our lips swell the chorus 

Thy sons ever loyal and true. 
While thy standard of honor floats o'er us 

They'll win for the old gold and blue. 
Chorus : 

Marjorie (with Shorty R.). Talk about your hoodoos. 
Everything seems against us today. 

Shorty (at R.). It's their weight. They weigh — 

Marjorie. No, it's not: It's our luck. Our usual, fiend- 
ish, Thanksgiving luck. 5 to 0. It's a shame. 

Billy (at C). I don't see why our men can't do some- 
thing. 

Marjorie (slightly sarcastic). Is there anything you 
could suggest? 

Miss Jim (at L. C. to Billy, her escort). Where are the 
boys now? 

Billy. Resting- between halves. A council of war.- 



54 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Miss Jim. Football is sure rough. There is a cross-eyed 
man on the other team who just don't care what he does. 

Shorty. Our men can't tell which way he's looking. 
He slugs all the time. 

Billy. I wish some of our men would fall on him or 
give him the knee. 

Mollie. Yes, or dislocate him somewhere. 
• Shorty. The trouble with us was, we were too confident. 

Billy (sadly). Seventy-five of my good round dollars 
fading into the purple twilight. I'll have to board at the 
hash house for the rest of the year. 

Shorty. It's me to the fast choo-choo cars if we lose. 
My overcoat and dancing pumps are hanging in the balance. 

Marjorie. You boys croak too much. Wait till the last 
half is over before you begin to worry. 

Shorty. Well, if the last half goes anything like that 
one I'll have to write home to grandma. 

Billy. Where we're short is team work. This thing of 
every man playing to the grand stand don't go. 

Shorty. We did well enough for the first ten minutes. 
Jimmie ought to play lower. 

Enter Lev. L. 

Lev. Dey're habin' a fight out dere. Some ob dere men's 
a scrappin' with our rooters. Constable gwine to 'rest some 
one, I reckon. (All exit L. except Miss Jim.) 

Enter Jimmie R. 

Jimmie (at R. C). Luck's against us, little girl. 

Miss Jim (at C). Well, even if it is, be careful of your- 
self. Don't get hurt. I thought that cross-eyed man slugged 
everybody on purpose. 

Jimmie (grimly). That cross-eyed man'll go home on the 
ice. 

Miss Jim. You'll be careful, won't you? 

Jimmie. I'll try. 

Miss Jim. Oh, my, the ribbon on my shoe's untied. 

Jimmie (kneeling and tying it). Do you like bows? 

Miss Jim (innocently). I never had one. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 55 

Jimmie (untying and tying it over). I mean on your 
shoes. 

Miss Jim. Of course. (Looks at it.) What a nice bow 
you make. 

Jimmie (at R. C). Do you think so? (Looks up at her.) 

Miss Jim (at C). Of course I do. (Hangs her head.) 

Jimmie. Do you think you'll always be satisfied with 
the kind of beau I make? 

Miss Jim. Oh, Mr. Cavendish — 

Jimmie. Call me Jimmie. The boys all call me Jimmie. 

Miss Jim. Yes, but I'm not a boy. 

Jimmie. That's so. Well, I'm mighty glad you're not. 

Miss Jim (taking a leaf from purse). Here's a four- 
leaf clover. It's my good luck. Take it. Maybe it'll help 
you-all win the game. Wouldn't that be fine? 

Jimmie. Thank you. I shall keep this always. 

Miss Jim. Why? 

Jimmie. Because you gave it to me. Some day I want 
to give you something in return for it. 

Miss Jim. What? 

Jimmie. Wait and see. If we win the game will you 
wear a little ring as a remembrance of this occasion? 

Miss Jim. As a remembrance of the game? 

Jimmie. No, as a remembrance of me. 

Miss Jim. I don't need anything to remember you by. 

Jimmie. Well, will you wear it for me? 

Miss Jim. I — I — (she turns away). 

Jimmie. Will you, (pause) Miss Jim? (Pause.) Jim? 

Miss Jim (shyly). I'll tell you after we win the game. 

(Whistle sounded off L.) 
Enter team from R. and all others from L. 
All. (Sing. Any other college song may be substituted) . 

OLD B. U. 

Air, "Boola Song" (Yale). 
Well, who are we? Well, who are we? 
We're from the University ! 



56 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Our football team is a grand old team, 

We'll cheer them on to victory. 
We've faith and hope in old B. U. 
And win — that's what we'll do. 
With a Boola, Boola, Boola, Boo, 
With a Boola, Boola, Boola, Boo! 
Chorus : 

Boola, Boola, Boola, Boola, 
Boola, Boola, Boola, Boola, 
We will meet them, we will beat them, 
With our Boola, Boola, Boo ! 

Our Johnny Steele is a right good coach, 

He's from the University ! 
And Jimmie, Scotch and Burke and Roach, 

We'll cheer them on to victory. 
They're all our pals at old B. U. 
And win — that's what we'll do. 

With a Boola, Boola, Boola, Boo, 

~ With a Boola, Boola, Boola, Boo! 

Chorus : 

(Exit team L. followed by all except Miss Jim.) 

Miss Jim (at C). He's the nicest boy I ever met. I sure 
hope he wont get hurt. 

Enter Miss Twiggs R. 3 E. and comes down R. C. 

Miss T. (at R. C). Was that Jimmie Cavendish? 

Miss Jim (at C). Yes. 

Miss T. Say, Miss Channing, you and Jimmie are pretty 
good friends, aren't you? 

Miss Jim (confused). Why — er — of course. 

Miss T. Then you won't be mad if I give you a little 
sisterly advice, will you? 

Miss Jim. Mad? Certainly not. 

Miss T. Well, it's about Mr. Cavendish. 

Miss Jim. About Mr. Cavendish? 

Miss T. Yes. Jimmie's all right, of course. But you 
musn't take him too seriously. 

Miss Jim. I don't understand you. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 57 

Miss T. (at R. C). Oh, yes, you do. I'm older than 
you and — well, I'm pretty popular with the college men 
and know their ways. Now don't you be taken in by all 
the nice things he whispers to you. Of course he isn't 
sincere. He's a regular college flirt, has paid attention to 
every girl in town, and everyone says — 

Miss Jim (at C). I beg you pardon, Miss Twiggs, but 
I reckon I'd better go. We're missing the best part of the 
game. (One loud yell and horns heard out L.) 

Miss T. Yes, but everybody says — 

Miss Jim. I just got to go. This is my first ball game. 
I know you'll excuse me. (Exit Miss Jim L.) 

Miss T. What fools these young girls are? Any boy 
in college can just wrap them around his little finger. Well, 
they can't flirt with me. (Exit R. 3 E. Cheers off L. College 
yell given off L.) 

Enter Popp L. 

Popp. I really must say it is somewhat inconsiderate of 
Cleopatra desiring me to bring her a glass of water right 
at the most critical stage of the game. (One loud yell off 
L.) I wonder what's happened now? They're getting wilder 
and wilder every moment. This game seems to be charac- 
terized by much undue violence. 

Enter Miss Twiggs R. 

Miss T. Oh, Professor, who has the ball now? 
Popp. If I have been rightly informed, I believe one of 
the players has it. 

Miss T. (in disgust). Oh! (Runs off L.) 

(Cheers, megaphones, etc., heard outside. Loud local yell.) 

Popp. I declare I believe we're scoring. Whenever I 
see the crowd waving our pennants I am always sure we 
are winning. (Cheers feebly.) Hurray! I believe I'm quite 
excited. 

Enter Mrs. Popp L. 

Mrs. P. Senacharrib. Come right away from there at 
once. You must not witness such a brutal demonstration. 



58 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Besides I have been waiting for that water for fifteen 
minutes. 

Popp (at C). I have made diligent inquiry, my cherub, 
and there is absolutely no water to be had on the grounds. 

Mrs. P. (at L. C). How trying. (One yell off L.) 
They're getting worse and worse every minute. We must 
go home — 

Popp. But, my rosebud, I would like to ascertain the 
final score. 

Mrs. P. Well, we'll linger here in the shade a while, 
but you must not look at the game. It's disgusting. 

Popp. But, my little one, you are looking — 

Mrs. P. That will do, Popp. 

Enter Major, L. 

Major (at L.). Come .on, come on. We shall have a 
chance. They're trying to buck the line. 

Mrs. P. (at L.C.). Oh, let me see. 

Popp (at C). With pleasure, my innocent. (Exit Popp, 
Mrs. Popp and Major L.) 

(Yells outside L. } "Hold that line! Hold that line! Hold 
that line!" Repeat monotonously until Miss Cavendish 
enters.) 

Enter Lev. from house R. with bucket and towels. 

Lev. We's wakin' up at las'. (Yells.) "Hold dat line! 
Hold dat line !" We're sure gwine to do somethin' now. 
(Watches L. anxiously as if noting play — pause.) Dat's it, 
dat's it. Eat 'em up, tigers. Eat 'em up. (Comes C.) Our 
boys better win dis game kase I'm gwine to be disgraced 
fo' life if dey don't. Ebry nigger in town knows I'm on de 
team, the chief official rubber down. Dat's me. We jes' got 
to win. (Through megaphone.) Hold dat line. See, on de 
line. Dey can't go through. Hold dat line! Touchdown! 
Touchdown! (Exit Lev. L.) 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 59 

Enter Miss C. L. 

Miss C. I have lost Mrs. Baggsby in the crowd. I can't 
make head nor tail of a football game. I think I'll rest here 
a while. (Sits L. on bench.) 

Enter Major L. Comes down C. 

Major (seeing Miss C). Ah, here you are. I've been 
looking everywhere for you. 

Miss C. (astonished) . Are you speaking to me? (Rises.) 

Major (at C). Why, certainly. Miss Cavendish, I have 
been — 

Miss C. (at L.) . I think you have made a mistake. I 
don't know you. 

Major. Don't — know — me? You're Miss Jane Caven- 
dish, are you not? 

Miss C. Certainly. But I must ask you to allow me to 
pass. I repeat, I don't know you. 

Major. But, Jane, my dear — 

Miss C. How dare you, sir? Stand aside immediately 
or I shall call the police. 

Enter Tad R. 

Tad. Hello, Major. 

Major (at C, looking from one to the other). Please 
explain this mystery. Which of you is Miss Jane Cavendish ? 

Tad (at R.). Well, I guess it's up to me. Major, it was 
just a joke. I am Tad Cheseldine. 

Major. Tad Cheseldine? 

Tad. Yours affectionately. 

Major. And you have dared to impersonate this lady? 

Tad. I was only rehearsing for the play for tonight. 

Major (to Miss C). I shall call the authorities and have 
this matter investigated. 

Miss C. Not at all. It was simply a college joke. I knew 
Mr. Cheseldine was masquerading as me. I do not object. 

Tad. Good for you. 

Major. You don't, but I do. I'll see that this affair is 
traced to its source and the culprits properly punished. 



60 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Tad. Hold on, Major. Back up, back up. Only last 
night you were treating me entirely different. It was (imi- 
tates) "May I call you Jane?" "Let me dally by your side 
and kiss those little tulips." 

Major (in fury). Oh, you shall pay for this! It's a con- 
spiracy. It was Cavendish who insulted my sister the other 
night and this Aunt Jane business is all a farce. 

Tad (at R. C). It may have been a farce to us, but it 
was dead serious to you. Come, now, say everything's all 
right, and we'll shake hands and call the matter square. 

Major (at C). Shake hands? Call the matter square? 
How dare you? You and Cavendish shall both be expelled. 

Miss C. (up L.). Major! 

Tad (coolly). Oh, no we won't. 

Major. Do you dare defy me, sir? You forget who I 
am. I am Major Kilpepper, sir. 

Tad (hotly). And I am Tad Cheseldine. And further- 
more, I am the editor of the funny page of the college paper, 
and furthermore our paper is read by every college and uni- 
versity in the country. 

Major. Well, sir ? 

Tad. Well, sir. Your little proposal to me last night will 
make a rich, rare and racy story. I have no objection to 
publishing names in the paper, because I can prove every 
word I say. 

Major. You wouldn't dare publish this disgraceful story. 

Tad. Oh, wouldn't I ? Tonight I'll tell the whole thing 
when I'm on the stage in the play, and the whole town will 
learn of your proposal to Jimmie's Aunt Jane. 

Major. You must not. (Pause.) I'll agree not to have, 
you expelled. 

Tad. Now, Major, the whole thing was a joke. Forgive 
and let's forget. We'll shake hands and be friends. 

Major. Well, there seems to be no other way out of it. 
There's my hand. 

Tad (shaking hands). And I promise you no one shall 
ever hear the tale of how you proposed to me. 

Miss C. (coming dozvn). That's right, Major Kilpepper. 
I respect you for your decision. 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 61 

Tad (politely). Miss Cavendish, allow me to present Ma- 
jor Kilpepper. Major, this is Jimmie's Aunt Jane. 

Miss C. It was all a joke, Major. Boys will be boys. 

(Nine rahs for Bexley off stage.) 

Major. Shall we go into the game? Our boys seem to 
be doing better this half. (Exit Miss Cavendish with Ma- 
jor L.) 

Tad. Now who says I'm not a diplomat ? 

Enter Marjorie and Miss Jim L. 

Marjorie (at L.). Oh, Tad, come on. We've got the ball. 

Tad (at C, looking L.). See! See! On the line. There's 
something doing now. Look at Jiggsy. Careful, now, care- 
ful. (Pause, then sudden yell.) Touchdown, boys! Touch- 
down! 

Marjorie. Oh, look ; they're all piled up in a heap. 

Miss Jim. Where's Jimmie? I — I mean Mr. Cavendish. 

Tad. Oh, he's all right. Come on, girls. We'll beat 'em 
yet. (Exit Miss Jim, Marjorie and Tad L.) 

Enter Scotch and Shorty L. } running. 

Scotch. Jiggsy and Buster are both out. 

Shorty. What'll we do? 

Scotch. Where in thunder is Tad ? 

Shorty. He was here a minute ago. He's still dressed 
like a widow. 

Scotch. He'll have to cut that out. We need him right 
away. 

Shorty. Tad! Tad Cheseldine! (Exit Shorty and 
Scotch R.) 

Enter Miss C. L. 

Miss C. I think I'll return home. Everyone seems to be 
jumping on everyone else. (Sits on bench L.) 

Enter Scotch and Shorty R. 

Scotch. There he is. (Miss C. is. seated with her back 
to him.) 

Shorty (seising her). Come on Tad. We need you. 



62 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

Scotch. Take those rags off. {They rush Miss C. off 
L. r she screaming.) 

Enter Mrs. B. R. 

Mrs. B. I thought I heard a scream. (Looks L.) Great 
heavens ! They've got Miss Cavendish out there on the field. 
(Screams.) Help! Murder! Police! 

Enter Tad, Marjorie, Miss Jim, Billy and Others L. 

All. . What's the matter ? What has happened ? 

Mrs. B. (points. L.). It's Jimmie's Aunt Jane. She'll be 
murdered. (Faints, supported by Billy.) 

Marjorie (looking L., standing on bench). See! They're 
rushing her across the field. (Pause long enough to count 
fifteen. ) 

Miss Jim (screams). They've knocked her down! 

Tad. Jimmie's running after her. 

Marjorie. See, see! He's got her. (Pause.) He's car- 
rying her. 

Miss Jim. Get some water. (Exit Lev. R.) 

Enter Jimmie, carrying Miss C. 

Jimmie (sitting her L.). Are you hurt, Auntie? 
Miss C. (panting). What was it? 

Enter Lev. R. with water. Miss C. drinks. 

Miss C. Let me go home. This is awful. Jimmie, I for- 
give you everything, for you saved my life. Why did I ever 
leave the calm and quiet of Wall -Street for a college town ? 

Scotch (appearing at L.). Come on, Jimmie. 

Jimmie. Right. (Exit L.) 

Miss C. What does it all mean? I must look a sight. 

Mrs. B. I'll call a cab and we'll leave at once. 

Miss C. Leave? Not at all. I've been in the game now 
and I'm going to see it through to the finish. I really believe 
I'm beginning to enjoy it. (Loud yell, with horns, etc.) 

All. What's that? 

Miss C. What does that mean? 



A COLLEGE TOWN. 63 

Enter Mollie L. 

Mollie {very loud and excited). It means that we still 
have a chance. 

Marjorie {on bench). Oh, look! They're all in a bunch. 
{Pause.) 

Shorty {looks at watch). Time's nearly up. Gee, I wish 
we'd do something, and do it quick. Only two minutes. 
{Breathless pause — count twenty-live — all strained, watch- 
ing L.) 

Marjorie {suddenly screams loudly). Oh, look! Look! 
Look! 

Tad. Somebody's out from under. Look at him wriggle 
away. {Pause.) 

Miss Jim. It's Jimmie. 

Tad. He's after the ball. {Pause, then screams.) He's 
got it! 

Marjorie. Look at him go. 

All. Go, go, go ! {Pause, all watch a moment breathless.) 
Touchdown ! He's made it. He's made it. {Girls throw arms 
around each other — men throw hats and pennants in air. 
Then all' watch L. again breathlessly.) 

Tad. He's within a yard of the line. 

Marjorie. Look at them run. 

Shorty. They're after him. 

Tad. Too late ; too late. 

{Long pause, everyone breathless, like stone, then:) 

Tad {screams). He's made the kick. {Whistle blows. All 
rush off L. Brass band plays L.) 

All re-enter, the team carrying Jimmie on their shoulders. 

All. Rah, rah, rah ! 
Rah, rah, rah! 
Rah, rah, rah ! 
Jimmie ! Jimmie ! Jimmie ! ! ! 

CURTAIN. 



64 A COLLEGE TOWN. 

SECOND CURTAIN. 

Miss Jim and Jimmie discovered alone. 

Jimmie (at C). Well, we won. 

Miss Jim. You won. You're a hero. My hero. 

Jimmie (takes ring from his finger and crosses to her). 
Here's the ring. (Miss Jim turns away bashfully.) Remem- 
ber your promise. Jim ! (Miss Jim with averted head slowly 
extends left hand and Jimmie puts the ring on her finger 
and takes her in his arms as — ) 

CURTAIN. 

Note. — The stage manager and the entire company must 
carefully study the <l shouts outside." Much of the success 
of the third act depends on work behind the scenes. 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 

rryn 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min... 5 2 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min. 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

T \ ■■■■>■ 1 , Til . Q» — 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.10 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. . 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube ! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 1 5 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min... 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 
~ Mender, 15 min 2 

1 at the Vaudeville, 15 
1 

f, 25 min 5 2 

de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 



One copy del. to Cat. Div. 



23 m 



l great number of 
ird and Amateur Plays 
und here are listed in 
nison's Catalogue. 

, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 






DEMSON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min. ... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min. . . 5 2 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min. 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. . 4 

> Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

> Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

> Ghosts in White, 20 min . . 8 

) of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

le Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

ited a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

ited a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

ich Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

■) Is Who? 40 min 3 2 

e Enough for Two. 45 min. 5 2 

mg Baby, 25 min 8 

kee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.10 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. . 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 
Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 



Marriage and After, 10 min 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 

Si and I, 15 min 

Special Sale, 15 min .2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min... 2 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 

min 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 



A fireat number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue. 



S. DEIflSON & COMPANY, Publishers, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



= =— == ° 015 Jiff 

POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT B~ 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 25 cents each 



littlFms] 
with drills 1 




$1 rrsDMSON&ooMwnn 

PUBLISHERS 
^CHICAGO* I 



¥N this Series 
are found 
books touching 1 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

AH Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 

The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues,dialogues. 

Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 

The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 
Particularly for ladies. 

Monologues for Young Folks. 
Clever, humorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of masterminds. 
. The Poetical Entertainer. 
For reading or speaking. 

Pomes ov the Peepul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 

Scrap-Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe- 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 



DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 

games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Swaying 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

The Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, 50c. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches.etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Large Illustrated Catalogue Free. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 163 Randolph St., Chicago ( 



